


Fight & Flight

by PHILOSOPHYSICS



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, One Piece
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Humor, Inspired by This Bites, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, ROB as a Character, Self-Insert, Sibling Rivalry, Takes Elements From MLP:FiM Fanon, after much deliberation... it's a crossover, not a true crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PHILOSOPHYSICS/pseuds/PHILOSOPHYSICS
Summary: One trapped child of chaos, lightly stirred.One tiny pegasus, heavily shaken.Carefully add to the Strawhat Chaos after a few year's preservation in Little Garden.Infuse with the essence of magic and AU.Flap gently with butterflies to finish the dish.Enjoy your newest SI, courtesy of the Spirit of Chaos.





	1. Chapter 1

****

Perched on a tree branch, I kept my eye on my prey. It was Mr. T-Bone. While not a true Tyrannosaurus Rex, it was a close enough expy that it didn’t matter. He was the toughest dinosaur in Little Garden and barring the two fighting giants, the most dangerous thing on this island, truly the Tyrant King.

 

Today was going to be the day I finally dethrone the bastard. Today was the day I finally cleansed myself of my final fear.

 

_ =Target is sleeping. There are no other beings in the surrounding area. Suggested method of dispatch would be a quick slice to the throat.= _ A voice analyzed, speaking within my mind with a dispassionate monotone. 

 

Within my vision, small diagrams and arrows popped up as the being trapped in the tablet on my back designed various plans of attack. 

 

They finished off saying,  _ =Though I theorize that you will be waking the beast before attacking them, will you not, Sai?= _

 

“It’s a matter of knowing how far I’ve come,” I explained to SAROB  with gritted teeth as I tried to prevent myself from thinking about how bad an idea this was. I didn’t quite succeed as images of becoming chewed meat didn’t quite die. , I growled before stopping, No. I wasn’t some angry weakling that could only scream helplessly as they are chased.

 

I am Sai, the world’s Strongest Pegasus, She Who Created the Storm Ruler Style from a mere story, She who fell to a new world, survived, and who will Live and Thrive. I was weak and now I will prove I am strong.

 

In for nine.  
Hold for eight.

Out for seven.  
Hold for six.

 

Then I leapt off my branch, keeping my wings tight against my body as I dove. Halfway there, I flipped forward to bring my back hooves down into an axe kick on Mr. T’s nose. I slammed his snoring jaw right down on his lolling tongue.

 

As he awoke with a roar of pain, I flipped backwards to land on the ground in front of him. Grinning madly, I crouched like a cat ready to pounce, positioning my wings into the backstroke. This was the  **Doldrum Stance** , still and neutral, perfect for moving into any of my attacks.

 

_ =Target is awake but still dazed. Suggested plans of attack is-= _

 

I interrupted saying, “This isn’t a hunt SAROB. This is a test for myself.”

 

As Mr. T grew more aware, he rose himself to his full height, reminding me of just how tiny I was compared to it. I mean, I was barely the size of its fucking foot. Wow, how the fuck did my tiny ass survive this island again?

 

_ =This is most illogical. There is no point to making this more complicated than it is.= _

 

Mr. T spotted me and proceeded to roar at me, sending spittle that I deflected with a few flaps of my wings to send bursts of air. Resettling into my stance, I grumbled, “Oh now you show a sense of humor.”

 

_ =What sense of humor? I am merely giving my opinion that this is a pointless encounter. The end is fated to be unless astoundingly bad luck comes to play.= _

 

As much as I’d like to retort to that statement, Mr. T was a rude bastard who lowered his head and began charging forward with his jaws open for a massive chomp, faster than anything his size should be. For a moment, all I could see was me becoming the star to my very private and personal roleplay of snuff/vore. Mr. T was big. He was fast. And he was strong.

 

But then again, this was about me proving myself against the island’s strongest.

 

A strange calm settled on me, giving me a clarity of mind. Lowering my body, I kicked off the ground with all four hooves, intoning, “ **Qīng Bù** ”

 

I would like to imagine that Mr. T was quite confused when his opponent I seemingly disappeared from sight. Hovering in place by stepping off the air multiple times, I placed my right wingtip forward to aim at the base of Mr. T’s neck. Then priming my left wing by drawing it to my hip, I took another breath to keep my calm.

 

“ **Basic Wing Slice** ,” I intoned as I swept my left wing forward to send forward a slice of wind. As soon as it was sent, I counteracted the motion by sweeping my right wing back to keep my orientation forward. Then I kicked once more off the air to flip myself to the left side of Mr. T.

 

Letting myself fall, I curled both wings inward in preparation to launch them forward into a thrust. Before I could declare my next move, Mr. T toppled to the side. It was such a shock that I screwed up my landing, tumbling face forward.

 

Putting a hoof on stable ground, I stood back up, not allowing the moment of weakness to pass by any longer than it should. Though… Mr. T still hadn’t gotten back up. What the hell was happening there?

 

Scratching my head, I turned to my left and jumped back as Mr. T’s giant eyeball stared right back at me. 

Oh gods, I fucked up. 

This was it. 

Mr. T was going to eat me! I know what they say about looking death in the face, but I closed my eyes shut tight and waited for the end.

 

_ =Open your eyes. The threat has been neutralized. Quite thoroughly.= _

 

Opening one eye, I noticed that Mr. T hadn’t move his head at all. In fact… He hasn’t blinked. Walking forward, I noticed that his body was lying on its side to my right while his head was… sitting on the ground right in front of me.

 

_ =It would appear that Mr. T has become Mr. Headless.= _ SAROB noted dryly.

 

“...The fuck?” I muttered. Normally, SAROB joking would be a big deal, but there was more important shit. This was supposed to be my character arc! Facing my fears and all that shit! “... Seriously, what the fuck? That was… anticlimactic. Seriously? Just… Just two moves? What the shitting horse-apples? Mr. T, did you fucking slack off or something? You’re way too weak!”

 

_ =It is not that Mr. T is weak. It is more that you have become too strong.= _

 

I gaped as I realized the true meaning of what SAROB said, “Wait so-”

 

_ =I did say that this was a pointless encounter. Now I trust that you can-= _

 

A small part of me felt touched that SAROB believe in me. The larger part roared in frustration, sweeping my wings to send out a medley of wind-blades into the forest, “I want my fucking day of psyching up and stressing out back. He should not be that weak!”

 

Seriously? I’ve lived on Little Garden surviving off of his scraps before slowly moving up to hunting myself. Of which he stole a shit ton of my kills. I’ve been scared of this huge bastard for nothing!?

 

_ =Like I said, it is not that he is weak, it is that you are strong now. I estimate that you could’ve driven him off half a year ago,= _ SAROB repeated patiently.

 

“Then why didn’t you tell me that half a year ago!” I did NOT whine.

 

_ =Because you did not trust me half a year ago.= _

 

“In my defense, you dropped into my head all of a sudden after like… maybe 2-3 years of leaving me on my lonesome?”, I scratched my chin, “Actually, wait, why did BAROB suddenly decide to drop you in a year ago if they messed with the Contract like you said? Hm, maybe-”

 

My stomach suddenly grumbled, disrupting my train of thought. SAROB gently reminded,  _ =Now eat your fill. You must keep your energy up. The Straw Hats will be coming any day now.= _

 

Sighing in agreement, I listened and began carving out a few chunks of meat from Mr. T’s body with a few strokes of my wings. As I did this, I asked, “Can you repeat the game plan?”

 

_ =We are not playing a game,= _ SAROB said, completely missing the metaphor,  _ =But nevertheless, I shall go over the plan. Meet a Strawhat and leave a favorable impression. Ride the ship to Raftel, but do NOT join the crew. Do not change canon. Stay the course. Complete the Contract and then we can both go home.= _

 

“I don’t think the canon thing is going to stay intact,” I said as I shifted into my other form, a tontatta lass. Ugh, it always felt weird to be in this form. Gods above, I was even tinier than Mr. T! I could see my full reflection in his remarkably shiney teeth. Huh. Damn. It never fails to surprise me just how much I look like a chibi version of a human Rainbow Dash, red eyes, rainbow tail and hair that was scruffy. The only difference was my eyes that looked as if they belonged on a raptor, with slits for pupils instead of circles. At least when it got dark. Night vision, bitches. My long, lithe body that if scaled up to human-size would be the perfect classification for an athletic build and sexy as hell, I had a few pockholes of scar that went diagonally from my left shoulder to my right chest from that time that I almost got bit in half. I like to think it gave me character and not look instantly horrifying. All in all though, I looked damn sexy for a tiny ass thing. It felt like I was missing something though…

 

Focusing for a bit, I shifted to the median form between my Zoan and Tontatta. My poofy tontatta tail flattened and smoothed itself to form a rainbow horse tail. An itchy feeling came from my shoulder blades as I grew blue wings. My ears then shifted from the side to the top of my head and became horse ears. My anthro form. While I liked being a pony most often, this form was the one that I liked to use if I needed hands or something. Looking myself over once more, I clicked my tongue and fired mock finger guns at the tooth. It could not be more obvious of what character design I looked like, but damned if I didn’t look hot.

 

I should not feel pride at this body, but… wow. Do I look good. Damn good… Yup. There are SO many issues that just pop up with that though, from gender to body to species to SO many things dysphoria. So many… I should probably do something like self reflection.

 

_ =As much as I enjoy you having a bit of fun,= _ SAROB interrupted,  _ =You have not given your reasoning and I’d like to hear your reasoning as to why canon is… unimportant.= _

 

Self reflection is something future me can do. All these issues weren’t immediately pertaining to my survival, so I shoved them to the back of my mind. Was it healthy? Probably not. But a problem for future me when they self reflect!

 

Stepping forward to begin packing the meat, I wobbled a bit, flailing my arms for balance as I readjusted to having bipedal motion and balance. Once I did, I began gathering up all the meat onto a large leaf to begin packing it for ease of transportation. As I did that, I began to explain my statement, “I mean, just my existence on the ship would be a butterfly effect. And BAROB the type to make their own entertainment  if we didn’t do anything interesting.”

 

_ =...= _

 

Taking their silence as a subtle concession, I continued on, explaining, “I mean, they’ve already shown a penchant for immature behavior, casually taking over the Contract and changing the terms RIGHT before it was implemented.”

 

I shuddered as I remembered the “changes”.

 

The original Contract was pretty standard. I had negotiated to have a drop in SI at the Whiskey Peak arc with a Devil Fruit, Randomized of course, and a tablet that could access  _ everything _ from the internet. I was exceptionally proud of the tablet. Accessing the One Piece wiki and gotten any and all updates to it, is broken in a world of said One Piece. I had even somehow gotten it to have infinite power and connection AND the inability for it to be stolen or lost.

 

It took me quite a bit of Min Maxing. The biggest part was that I would have to have a species change, and a drop in BEFORE canon.  And a promise to change several events that I had already planned to attempt to change. It seemed too good to be true

 

It WAS too good to be true. The changes… Ugh, would you believe that finding out I was missing a dick and now had tits was the LEAST of the changes?

 

I then realized that I had finished packing up the meat and had just been staring into space for a long while without responding to anything. Wrapping it up with large palm leaves, I used vines to tie it up neatly before shifting back to my pegasus form and said, “Sorry, Just got lost in memories.”

 

_ =What did you say, Sai? Apologies, I was just fantasizing how I was going to destroy my elder sibling.= _ SAROB said blandly,  _ =I’m thinking of trapping them in a potato. Kind of like GLaDOS. Do you think that’d be funny? I think it would be hilarious. Maybe I could make it so that the potato regenerates no matter what is done to it. I could have people eat BAROB fried, I could have them eaten boiled, I could have them mashed. What do you think?= _

 

“I think you have a lot of unresolved issues that you pretend to have a handle on,” I replied quite honestly. SAROB was usually monotone and emotionless, but when it got angry? It got ANGRY. The steady monotone as it described their macabre fantasies only made it more creepy. Scratching my chin, I shuddered at the squishy sensation of blood matting on my fur. Ugh, I’m going to have to take a bath later. Shaking my head, I refocused and continued, “In all seriousness, I think that we should just go the usual SI route.”

 

_ =To make a mess of canon and hope for the best?= _ SAROB said drily.

 

“That, except hopefully more organized.” I winced at the brutal honesty. I waited for a reply. Which did not come. I raised a hoof and waved it in the air, saying, “I’m assuming that’s a yes?”

 

The responding sigh tickled my sinuses and I sneezed. Wiping away the snot, I took solace that it was not a no. Shaking myself, I tried all the blood off of me, aiming to be as clean as possible before beginning my hunting rites for Mr. T.

 

I bowed to the remnants of Mr. T, praying that his meat would return to the Earth and nourish it to give life anew. I also apologized because I was aiming to just be able to survive against him, maybe defeat him, not suddenly massacre him.

 

Once I was done praying, I flew to the top of packaged Mr. T meat pieces, grabbing the bowtie of vine with my hooves to fly back to my base. Normally, I’d be terrified of being attacked and having my food stolen. But as of now? I was the De Facto Ruler of This Island. Barring the giants of course.

 

_ =I will never understand how your hooves can pick things up.= _

 

I rolled my eyes as we began repeating this discussion. Again. I calmly explained, “Because I ate the Horse Horse Fruit: Model Pegasus. We’ve went over this before.”

 

= _ Well, I bring it up again because as I understand it, hooves have no grasping ability. For that matter, I have no idea how you cut through the air with your wings. It is still illogical no matter how often you do it.= _

 

“Well, that’s what I believe pegasi can do. Because I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Where the real magic is friendship,” I explained calmly, “So I can do that. At least according to some fan theories if you practice bullshit Wuxia martial arts.”

 

SAROB’s huff of indignation  was less a sound and more of a fuzzy feeling that echoed in my cranium,  _ =The plural is pegasuses. And that is an unsatisfactory explanation.= _

 

“And I say it’s pegasi. And I’m the pegasus here, so who’s the expert,” I shot back, flapping my wings in smooth, powerful down strokes in a steady rhythm. “Also, it’s a devil fruit, I ain’t gotta explain shit.”

 

I tuned out SAROB’s rant about the nonsensicalness of that explanation and how there MUST be something. The real reason is that I’m afraid of questioning it too much in case that changes how my pegasus form works, so I just try not to think about it too much. It’s worked so far.

 

After a few more flaps, I finally cleared the treeline. Normally at this point, I’d just hold my wings out to glide sedately to wherever my latest base was. Today though. Today I spied a skull and crossbones wearing a straw hat.

 

I immediately began gliding there. I didn’t have anything of much importance anyways at the base. Just some spare supply of food, my canteen, just the bare necessities of survival. All of my important stuff, i.e. the tablet housing SAROB, was literally on my back.

 

Today was a good day. I conquered one of my fears, I had enough meat for a several good meals, and it looked like I was FINALLY getting off this damn island. Today was good.

 

_ =...Sai, I just realized that we HAVE no real plan,= _ SAROB pointed out suddenly,  _ =We have discussed the plan several times and each and every time it becomes some variation of ad libbing it as we go along.= _

 

...Today was still going to be a good day. And I am going to seize it!

  
  


Nope. Today was the kind of day one should NOT have gotten out of bed. Nope. Nuh uh. Just wake up, say fuck with all your will, and then go straight back in.

 

_ =Will you stop being a coward and introduce yourself?= _

 

“Absolutely not!” I growled silently as I hid in the crow’s nest. Everything had gone swimmingly. I had flown to the ship, dropped off the meat in the storage room, and then waited for the Straw Hats in the crow’s nest. Of course, they took a bit of time, so I eventually fell asleep.

 

Then I awoke to the crew’s yelling, saw a giant tornado right in front of me, and had a sinking feeling that maybe today was not going to be a good day. When I found out Nami was sick, I immediately erased my presence with the old trick of hunkering down in a corner and praying ‘don’t notice me.’

 

Here, I’ll demonstrate how the prayer goes. Closing my eyes, I went into the fetal position with my hooves clasped over my head in prayer and chanted quietly, “Don’t notice me. Don’t notice me. Don’t notice me.”

 

This was SO not how I wanted to introduce myself. I can already see it playing out. Your crewmate is sick and might die? Here! Have some new wankers introduce themselves out of the blue! They accidentally stowed away on your ship! But it’s all good, they brought food? What would you think!? You’d think the idiot couldn’t read the mood! It’s not exactly an environment you want to introduce yourself in, is it?

 

Which was why I was hiding in the crow’s nest. And practicing my Presence Concealment skill. Hiding in a corner and praying works a lot better than you think!

 

_ =No… I do imagine that it’d sour the first impression. Though I must admit your idea of hiding leaves much to be desired.= _ SAROB commented dispassionately, evidently having read my mind despite me specifically asking it to NOT do that.

 

_ =I didn’t. You were just thinking too LOUD. Loud enough to disrupt the download of the Little Garden Arc.= _

 

SAROB was trying to distract me with the promise of new updates. I let it distract me saying, “Huh, your elder sibling decided to finally let the damn thing through?”

 

_ =Yes. After I reformat them so that you can Dream them later, let us see what memories are unlocked this time. I will be offline for about an… hour or so as I convert it into something your mind can process.= _

 

“I’ll leave you to it then,” I replied. When no answer came forth, I sighed. It was a bit odd to not have a voice in my head. Granted, SAROB’s work was important for our plans, but… I really fucking hate BAROB.

 

As mentioned before, the original Contract stated that I would have a tablet that contained all of One Piece canon and the ability to reach the internet However, after BAROB got their sticky little fingers, my access became severely limited. I would still get access to One Piece canon! ...But only after the event had passed. I would still have my tablet and internet access! ...Except said tablet was stuck to my back. Literally. I could not reach it or do anything meaningful with it, since it was stuck on my back.

 

Wait, shit! I forgot to pray! Staying in my fetal position, I chanted faster, “Don’tnoticeme.Don’tnoticeme.Don’tnoticeme.”

 

Anyways, while SAROB was trapped in it and could access it, there was a whole other problem. They themselves had their memories of One Piece completely erased. Granted, now that quite a few arcs have passed, SAROB had MUCH better knowledge of One Piece. However, they could only access arc  _ after _ it happened. Which meant for all intents and purposes, me and my shitty memory of One Piece canon were our only ways of predicting canon. So whoopie dee fuckety doo. Granted, I knew a good bit, but One Piece is long and I didn’t remember all the little details. And the little details were what were going to screw us over, I just knew it.

 

Speaking of little details, I should make sure that I’m still hidden. I cautiously peeked my head over the edge of the wooden railing to see if anybody was wondering beneath me. Okay, nobody’s outside except Zoro. And he’s busy lifting weights. Okay, I’m still hidden. I’ll just wait until we get to Drum Island and then reveal myself there. Better yet, I’ll make it look like I come from the island. That’s a good idea right?

 

...Oh right, SAROB’s busy converting the arc information. I’m so used to having a voice in my head. Huh, that makes me sound insane.

 

Anyways, don’t get me wrong. Having access to past arcs was great. It was great for reviewing any minor easter eggs or mining for little nuggets for information. Mind you, it was absolutely useless for making any viable plans for the future. But still useful.

 

Wait, got to keep up the prayer. Deciding to play it safe, I decided to drone out my chant, “Doooooooon’t Nooooootice meeeeee. Doooooooon’t Nooooootice meeeeee. Doooooooon’t Nooooootice meeeeee.”

 

“Yo Ussop,” I heard a voice call out, “Go check the crow’s nest.”

 

I immediately froze. Impossible. My Perfect Concealment skill was perfect!

 

I peeked out over the railing again to see Zoro still lifting his weights. Usopp scratched his chin and tilting his head to the side, asking, “What? Why?”

 

“Because I’m training,” Zoro said, not stopping his forward strikes with his stupidly large dumbbell, “ Also I heard some weird noises up there. I think it may be a ghost.”

 

NO! My chant! Why did it have to betray me? ...Oh right, SAROB was busy converting the latest arc and was offline. I really miss them reminding me when I did something stupid. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to do it myself. In retrospect, chanting things is not conducive to hiding.

 

Laying himself flat against the wall, Usopp protested, “Then why do you want to send me up there?!”

 

“To check if there really is one,” Zoro stated with the air of someone saying something obvious.

 

“What makes you think I’m good with that!?”  
  
“Well, you always act like you see ghosts, so I figured you might have a sense for these things,” Zoro said, casually throwing Usopp underneath the hull of the SS Backhanded-Insult to be keelhauled brutally, “Also Vivi and the crap cook’s busy nursing Nami. Luffy would probably recruit the thing, so you better do it if you don’t want a ghost for a crewmember.”

 

I tuned out Usopp’s response as I planned how to escape the awkwardness. I could fly? No wait, that would just draw their attention. I peeked out to see which side they were on. Okay they were on the stern side of the mast, so if I shimmy down the bow side, I can-

 

Nope. Usopp’s climbing up the rigging. Ah! My plan’s of escape! They’re shrinking! They’re disappearing! Aah! I froze in place as Usopp’s face even though all of my carefully honed survival instincts yelled at me to MOVE.

 

Panic. I thought we were past this, but evidently not.

 

Usopp stared at me. I stared back. The silence was oppressive. Cautiously, I raised my right hoof and tentatively waved, saying, “Hi?”

 

He started screaming. I’m not proud to say that I responded in kind.

 

It went like that until Usopp lost his grip and suddenly disappeared from view. I immediately jumped out of my hiding spot to catch him. I grabbed the back of his shirt, then rolled under him to bleed off a bit of his speed. I didn’t want to catch the shirt, have it rip, and then have him fall.

 

Completing the rotation, I let out my wings and flapped once to send a strong downdraft to completely kill our momentum. We glided slowly to the ground. As soon as his feet touched the ground, I kicked off the air to land on the ground in front of him.

 

Usopp stared at me. I stared at him. The awkward silence was coming back. So in a panic, I said the first thing that came to mind.

 

“Your nose is really long.”

 

I am not proud that I immediately flew back to hide in my crow’s nest in shame.

 

Oh well, I guess I’ll just make a new plan then! So long as you’re not dead, you can still  fix things! Even if everything just keeps on going more and more pear shaped, the only reason everything is going to plan is that you have no plan, and that’s because you can’t plan for the future because you have shitty memory! Everything's fine! Nobody’s dead! Not yet! You can still prevent this!

 

It’s not like you have no idea how to even start planning to stop Going Merry from dying. Or Ace. Or the Paramount War. You got this. It’s not big. Just break it down. Small bits. Small tasks. Small things. Just join the Straw Hats first. Or may you shouldn’t. Just keep canon straight. Or just not? I mean things are already a-changing, eh? Just being here changes things. It’s like trying to build a sandcastle on the wet part of the beach. The ocean just keeps on eating the foundation! Hahahaha! You are so NOT in control, Sai.

 

Ah, how strange. I can’t seem to control my breathing. Oh. Hyperventilation. That’s something people do when they panic or anxious. I shouldn’t be panicking because I’m not dying, but… Oh! I’m anxious! About meeting new people! And all that other stuff. Maybe control issues? Heh.I have SO many issues! I’m spiralling, aren’t I? And SAROB isn’t here to walk me through me exercises. HAHAHAHAHA!

 

How nice, everything’s going dark and… blurry. I really should be feeling more. Than… This… I think I’m just going to close my eyes… Just for a bit. Funny… what… triggers… you…

  
  


_ I galloped through the jungle of Little Garden, my four hooves beating a steady rhythm on the ground.. _

 

_ By all rights, I should not have been moving as fast as I was. Four hooves was a vastly different method of locomotion than walking. I had no choice though. Since I was the weakest thing on the island, my only options of surviving were to hide or run. _

 

=I told you that the estimated time is an hour to convert, not…=

 

_ And since the raptor herd found me when I was hiding from the T. Rex, that only left me with one option. _

 

_ It worked out well enough though. Apparently Zoan Devil Fruits came with instincts on how to use new forms. I knew how to gallop and I knew how to fly. _

 

_ The only reason that I didn’t try to fly yet was that the velociraptors were jumping above me, their roars and hisses telling me that I was trapped in the middle of their net. Clever girls really. I wondered how often they hunted things that could fly. _

 

=I see. A trauma nightmare. I particularly dislike it when you have these. I shall endeavor to help, but as I have mentioned before, you must let me help. Not that you ever listen. For that matter, you cannot hear me now.=

 

_ I was keeping good pace. This form was fast. But it was a trap. I had no control of where I went only how fast I moved. Up, down, left, right, they moved in tandem with me, forcing me one way or another. _

 

_ Panic. Fear. Anxiety. I wanted to cry. I killed those feelings. I could do that later. First I had to survive. _

 

=I really do not know why I do this. Let’s see if I can… And your sleeping mind attacked me. Again. It is to be expected, but it is… irritating to say the least. Your mental defenses, while crude are remarkably effective if self destructive. You really do enjoy making this difficult, don’t you Sai?=

 

_ I knew the situation. I knew my goal. I had no plan on how to path out. It was just me. Me against them. I felt anger, but I killed that too. It was useless. _

 

_ Think… If I was trapped in a net, then my only option was to go out through a hole before it fully closed. The raptors were too coordinated, covering each other’s blind spots with every turn I made. They even blocked off flight by jumping through the trees. Therefore, I should make a hole. _

 

=I cannot help you if you do not let me in.This is most illogical. I… I can help you. Just let me in. Wait, I’m talking normal again. Not important. I’m talking to myself again. Like you. You’re a bad influence, Sai. Argh, just let me wake you up, you stupid pegasus!=

 

_ Act. I skidded to a stop, turning around, charging back at the raptors and jumped over them, forcing an opening. _

 

_ They paused, stunned before they too jumped to block. I shrunk into my Tontatta form just before I met them in the air, to squeeze through the gap of their bodies. Then I shifted mid-air back into a pegasus and flapped my wings into the sky. If I just. Cleared. The treeline. I was- _

 

=...I don’t even know why I’m still trying to pretend to be aloof. Gods, this sucks. Mortal minds are stupid..=

 

_ ARGH! I silently screamed as I felt a pair of jaws clamp down on my back, dragging me back down. _

 

=Defenses down. Enacting forced startup. We should- * _ cough _ * We shall continue this conversation later.=

 

_ No. I was so close. I was- _

  
  


Awake?

 

I sat up, patting my back with my hoof. I ran it over the smoothness of the tablet screen, rubbing it over and over to reassure myself. The hunt was over. I’m no longer prey.. My back was protected. I wasn’t alone. I had an ally.

 

I closed my eyes and just tried to stay grounded, keeping a steady breathing going.

 

_ =...Feeling better?= _

 

“Yes. Yes I do. Just… had a nightmare,” I sighed, eyes still closed. Ha. It’s funny. I feel more calm knowing that there’s a voice in my head. What a funny thing to be thankful for.

 

_ =Good. You have an audience.= _

 

Eyes snapping open, I turned my head around quickly and scanned around quickly. I was still inside the crow’s nest. More importantly, there was a boy in a straw hat squatting above me, staring down at me. I immediately moved to the opposite side, back pressed against the wall.

 

Staying very still, I stared back at him. Luffy stared back at me. What do you say in a situation like this?

 

_ =A greeting? Perhaps an introduction?= _

 

Yes. That would make sense. Also stop reading my mind. Except now, keep doing it now when I’m in public so I don’t look crazy. Also I think I had a… counterpoint. Yes! Counterpoint. It’s awkward and scary to do that.

 

_ =...You are remarkably useless at this.= _

 

Before I could retort, Luffy broke the silence with a question, leaning forward to answer “Do you poop?”

 

“Yes,” I responded, ignoring the audible smack of SAROB’s facepalm. Hah. I was prepared for this question! Watch me keep a straight face in this one specific instance and then silently panic the rest of the conversation.

 

The silence returned. Shaking my head, I gathered myself. I was not a coward. Jumping up, I flipped backwards to land on the railing of the crow’s nest in a bow, saying, “Greetings. I am Sai, world’s tiniest and strongest pegasus.”

 

“Shishishi!” Luffy laughed, “That’s so cool! Want to join my crew!?”

 

I lost balance and pitched forward back into the crow’s nest. I was NOT prepared for that.

 

_ =WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY YES!?= _ SAROB screamed, breaking character for the first time in a long time. Their monotone voice took on a noticeably feminine one that was a bit squeaky,  _ =What happened to being prepared!?= _

 

Groaning, I rolled back onto my hooves and muttered, “In my defense, I did say I was prepared for one specific instance and then silently panic the rest of the way.” Ooh. Everything was spinning. Closing my eyes, I breathed in and out, willing away the concussion.

 

_ =That wasn’t silent so much as SLAM YOUR FACE INTO THE-=, _ I heard several deep breaths as SAROB regained control of themself. The dull monotone returned as they said,  _ =I am in control. We can still recover. Nevertheless we can-= _

 

“Oh shut up,” I mumbled, “You’re hurting my head.”

 

“How come you’re talking to yourself?” Luffy asked, jumping in to sit down next to me.

 

“Oh, that’s SAROB,” I explained, ignoring SAROB’s panic. As much as they liked to give off an air of cool, calm, collected, they were just as bad as me when it came to panicking spirals, “They live in the tablet on my back. They talk to my mind.”

 

_ =WHY did-= _ SAROB coughed, recentering themselves,  _ =Why would you reveal our existence? Wait. Don’t ans. I mean, do not answer that. We can still salvage this. Simply deny-= _

 

“Ooh,” Luffy nodded in understanding, interrupting them by accident again, “Are you sure it’s not because you hit your head? The tablet seems like a really small place of something to live in and sometimes people talk to things when they hit their head.”

 

“Fair point,” I nodded, “Though I think the tablet is like a window to where they live.”

 

“Ooh, so it’s a mystery window to a mystery house with a mystery person living in there” Luffy said, slamming a fist into his palm in understanding.

 

Rubbing my chin, I nodded, “Yes! Yes, that’s exactly what it is! Want to talk to them?”

 

“Sure!”

 

Silence. Luffy looked at me questioningly. I coughed, turning away to mutter, “That was your cue to say something?”

 

_ =It is not logical for me to speak to a canon character and thus- = _

 

“Bullshit,” I muttered. SAROB may like to pretend that they were still a ROB, above us petty mortals, but that was dangerous. They were on the same level as us. It was their way of coping with their imprisonment. I can only imagine what it was like to have been a God, brought so low that their memory overwritten and trapped in a tablet with all of its meager capabilities.

 

_ =... Can’t you just let me pretend?=  _ SAROB said, dropping their facade and sounding as if they were about to cry,  _ =I’m- = _

 

“Why don’t you go convert some more?” I cut off their almost-confession. Hearing a sniffly affirmation, I murmured a soft goodbye. I then lifted my head to smile wryly at Luffy and apologized, “They’re feeling a bit shy. Maybe you can talk to them later?”

 

Sometimes I forgot that even though SAROB was a ROB, they were not anymore. And just like how I wasn’t male or even human, that fucks you up in strange little ways that aren’t apparent. We were broken and only functioned by ignoring the pain until it couldn’t.

 

Luffy pouted, “Aw… But they sound interesting.”

 

Shrugging, I replied easily, “Meh. Sometimes you gotta wait for them to come to you.”

 

“Like cats?”

 

I nodded, “Like cats.”

 

“Okay,” Luffy nodded,  before getting up and stretching, “So you want to join my crew or what? Your friend can join too!”

 

...I almost said yes. I really wanted to. My pragmatic side, my childish side, all sides of me wanted to say yes. Who WOULDN’T want to join the Straw Hats? I loved their adventures and I always longed to be part of their crew, their nakama, their family.

 

But… my closest ally, …maybe-friend?, they were scared and unsure. SAROB would go along with whatever I wanted to, but they shouldn’t have to. Not because they were trapped with me, forced on a tablet on my back. If we were doing this, we were doing it together.

 

“Maybe later,” I smiled wryly, rubbing the back of my head, “I have some things that I have to figure out first with my friend.”

 

Luffy scratched underneath his straw hat, scrunching his face in thought, asking, “Is that a yes or no?”

 

“A no for now with a maybe yes in the future,” I smiled as I made this entire situation more complicated than it needed to be, “I’m sticking with you guys either way.”

 

Furrowing his brow, Luffy rubbed his temples as he thought out my statement. “So… you guys are going to be on the ship but not nakama? But might be nakama?”

 

I kept my smile up, but it felt more like a grimace as I replied, “Yes? I don’t understand it, but right now I speak for two. So i have to discuss it with SAROB.”

 

“I don’t get it, but you’re saying yes?”

 

“No, but later yes.”

 

Staring at me blankly, Luffy asked, “So a yes?”

 

“A weak one for now, but stronger later,” I nodded. I couldn’t blame Luffy for not getting what I meant when I didn’t know what I meant.

 

“I don’t really get it, but you’re part of the crew!” Luffy shouted, “I’m going to introduce you to everybody!”

 

Luffy lunged forward to grab me. Thankfully, I was ready for it, kicking off the deck and into the air, hovering. Before he could try again, I crossed my hooves, shouting, “HoldUP~! Waitaminute~!!”

 

As I wondered why I sang that, Luffy thankfully stopped with his second grab, placing his hands on his hips and pouting, “What now?”

 

Landing lightly, I bowed and said, “Sorry, I’d like to talk to my friend. They’re really quite scared about this whole thing.”

 

Why am I speaking like a high class person!? Argh! My speech patterns get weird and cringey when I panic!

 

He hummed for a bit before nodding, “They did sound a bit scared”- pounding a fist into a palm, Luffy pointed at me, saying-”As your captain, your first order is to make your friend feel better! I’m going to tell the guys that you’re nakama now though! We can have a party later! After Nami gets better!”

 

He then jumped out of the crow’s nest, leaving me alone with…  _ several _ questions. Questions such as: why was it so easy to join? Why was I an idiot who made it that much more difficult? How in the 9 hells did Luffy know that SAROB was scared when they only spoke in my mind? Can he read minds? Or was this him hearing the Voice of All Things? Or was this just paranoia again?

 

Shaking my head, I ignored those questions, shelving them for later. Curling up into a ball, I closed my eyes, breathing in and out in a steady rhythm. As my body relaxed, I retreated within my mind to reach SAROB who lived in my soul and commune and heal the fractures of our souls.

 

In layman’s terms, I fell asleep so I could go to dreamland to talk to SAROB about what just happened. Which could potentially involve us either getting into an argument or worse, talk about our various traumas.

 

Fun times.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2:

_ It was always a trip waking up in my mindscape... soul land… dreamland? Gods above, there’s so many names to call whatever this is. I think the closest thing I can explain it was that I was lucid dreaming. _

 

_ In the end it didn’t really matter because I always entered with a faceplant. _

 

_ “Fucking fucktuckets,” I groaned as I pulled my face out of the ground, it didn’t really hurt. Things rarely did here, but it was still annoying and irritating. Shaking my head, I looked around and sighed. The inside of my mind was still a disorganized mess. A veritable jungle of the mind, every part changed slightly with every second, I knew exactly what it looked like yet it changed as it became new. I’m pretty sure that this whole forest is a metaphor for my subconscious mind. At least that was my theory based on what happened when I ate a beast or a fruit here and the ensuing flashes of feelings, urges, and/or knowledge. _

 

_...Look, I get hungry sometimes when I sleep so I eat bits of my- You know what, never mind. I was here to talk to SAROB. _

 

_ “Yo! You here?” I called out loud, sitting on the root of a large tree to wait. It flashed and swirled, the root changing itself to become a comfortable chair for myself. I’d say it was nice my subconscious did that, but since it also decided to give me a traumatic flashback, I’m just going to call it even. _

 

_ “You did not have to do that,” a voice whispered from behind me. I sighed with relief. SAROB was here. _

 

_ Leaning back, I replied, “Yeah, I didn’t. That just meant I should have.” _

 

_ “...Not very logical,” they laughed hollowly, “Tell Luffy that it a yes from me and that he has two new crewmembers.” _

 

_ “Is that what you want?” I prodded lightly. SAROB’s kind had… not a set of rules, but more of a code. They prided themselves on being ROBs, being random and all powerful, they treated mortals as playthings and loved their stories. As I understood it, there was pride to be taken in throwing wrenches and anomalies into pre-established stories to make new ones. Inversely, there was great shame in shaping one by becoming a player character. _

 

_ “Does it matter?” they said, letting their monotone slip again and gaining a feminine pitch, “I’m weak, i’m trapped, and I’m dependent on you to change the story. I have a form now. A form!” _

 

_ I didn’t know what to say about that. This was an issue deep to both of us and… The both of us let the conversation lull into a quiet silence, lost in our own thoughts. _

 

_ There was a reason we were talking without facing one another here. ROBs were supposed be beings without a stable form, freely interchanging one form for another, ultimately being formless. SAROB apparently had slowly gained a static self image during our time together. It was their greatest shame. Didn’t really understand it, but respected their wishes by never directly looking at them. I imagined it was something similar to self image issues and dysphoria of a sort. Looking down at my hooves, I smiled wryly at the irony of a man turned into a pegasus mare even in their mindscape, pondering that. _

 

_ A while back, coming here was the only way that I could be myself, a human man with a bit of a vision problem and a few scars of bad luck and stupidity. Then, over time, I grew more feminine, then shorter, then my species changed. Now I was a tiny pegasus mare not only in body, but also in mind. And that scared me. I can only imagine how it felt for SAROB to suddenly have a body if our previous discussions were anything to go by. _

 

_...Maybe what we’re talking about isn’t just about joining the Straw Hats. Maybe it was about ourselves and how we view ourselves and how to accept ourselves. Because… even if the change was unexpected, I didn’t hate it.. _

 

_ “It doesn’t matter and it does,” I said as I slowly put to words what I felt, “How we see ourselves affects our actions, but our actions define us. Whether it be us who defines how we act or how we act defines us, that is the question.” _

 

_ They remained silent. _

 

_ Faltering a bit, I grit my teeth and pushed forward, continuing, “What I’m trying to do is be a good person, man or woman, pegasus or dwarf or human. So when I ask you when you want to join the crew, I’m doing two things. I’m defining that I care about you and want to respect your wishes. I’m also giving you a chance to take control again. Who cares about the codes of ROBs and all that shite, what do YOU want?” _

 

_ “...I want to be free again,” they finally said, emotion creeping in with every word they spoke, “I want to make change. I want to see this story to the end and….”, they took a deep breath and whispered, “And I want to be a part of it.” _

 

_ Turning halfway to look at them, I only stopped when I remembered our unspoken promise. That was still a shock to hear though. This was a complete turnaround from their previous stance on keeping canon as was. Their desire to be a bystander. _

 

_ “What do you-” I asked before my chair turned into a gaping hole, sucking me away with a powerful howl. I barely managed to stop from falling in by grabbing the edges with my hooves. The suction only grew stronger as result. Because of course it would. _

 

_ “There is work that must be done,” SAROB said, switching flawlessly to their usual monotone, “I am almost done with the conversion and you shall be able to Dream it later. Thank you for your cooperation. I estimate it shall take me a half hour longer. Please tell Luffy that we shall both join with great pleasure.” _

 

_ As my grip loosened, I shouted, “I know heart to hearts are embarrassing, but it is NOT necessary to evict me from my own” - I lost my grip and fell through the hole and out of my mindscape with a wordless wail. _

 

_ SAROB was growing nicer about this! Last time they hit me on the back of my head. Still a shitty ass thing to do though. _

  
  


As I woke up, I slammed my head into the crow’s nest. I immediately curled up and massaged the aching spot, muttering a few choice curse words. Ow. Fuck. I REALLY hate it when they kick me out like that. I always wake up painfully.

 

When it settled to a dull throb, I jumped out of the nest and glided slowly down, shouting, “Yo! Luffy! They said yes! So-”

 

Kicking off the air to dash away, I yelped as a hail of bullets narrowly missed me. I almost retaliated with a sweep of my wing before I realized that with the strength of my attacks, there was a good chance I’d damage Merry too.

 

…Oh right, SAROB’s converting stuff so no suggestions from them. All on me then. First get out of the situation by retreating back to the crow’s nest. Take a moment to calm down. Then get a bearing on the situation.

 

Peeking my head out of the crow’s nest, I saw that there was a bunch of green soldiers wielding guns swarming the deck. I think we’re being raided. Yup. Definitely being raided. Let’s take stock of what’s going on then.

 

Zoro is surrounded by guns on the lower deck while Luffy and Usopp are surrounded by guns on the upper deck. Sanji just ran out the door and he’s also surrounded by guns. And there’s soldiers crawling up the rigging with guns presumably to surround me with said guns.

 

I sense a theme. Ah well, I’ve got a bit to still plan. There’s a big ship with a hippo figurehead next to us and standing next to it was a human themed hippo. Wait, no, that’s a hippo-themed human who was eating a knife and saying something. I couldn’t hear clearly because I was too far away, but I heard something about Drums and Eternal Poses?

 

Wait. Drums? Eternal Poses? Eating a knife? Hippo?... Hippo. Hippo. HIPPO! King Hippo! The bastard eats Going Merry. Fuck no. I’m going to kick that sorry excuse of a vore fetish before he damages Merry. Damn it, why is my memory so shitty?

 

“Freeze!” a soldier barely said before I jumped at his face and used it as a springboard to dive down. Curling my wings, I landed on the upper deck and swept my wings to send a powerful gust of wind to blow away the mooks surrounding Usopp and Luffy.

 

Taking a second to make sure that they were indeed knocked down, I turned and faced Luffy, saluting as I yelled, “Sai! Reporting for duty! King Hippo eats anything! We HAVE to stop him from eating Merry!”

 

Luffy nodded grimly, jumping over the railing to launch himself at King Hippo. Could I have went directly for him instead of asking Luffy to do it? Sure! Did I want to? No. I lived on an island where my greatest fear was becoming food. In no way did I want to fight a guy whose sole power is eating things.

 

Jumping over the railing to join the brawl on the lower deck, I called over my shoulder, “Sorry about earlier, Usopp! Nice to meet you!”

 

He may have said something back, but at this point, I was having fun fighting mooks alongside Zoro and Sanji. It was so nice to feel in such absolute control of the situation. It was a bit scary to find just how strong I was. I could dodge fucking bullets for crying out loud! I thought earlier was just a fluke, but flippety fucktuckets, I was fast, far faster than I expected in comparison to these guys. And my basic attacks were powerful, taking out swathes of soldiers in one go. I actually had trouble in controlling my strength and not slice through them.

 

“Oi!” Sanji yelled as one of my attacks clipped him, throwing him off his kicking stance, “Watch where you’re blowing those winds, shitty horse!”

 

I winced, replying, “Sorry! Trying not to overdo it!”

 

Landing on the ground,  I wrapped my wings around myself before jumping off the deck with a twirl, shouting, “ **Luóxuán shàngshēng** **!** (Spiral Ascent)”

 

Letting my wings trail behind me, I created a small but powerful cyclone as I rose that pulled all near me into an ungainly mass, that I landed lightly on top of, settling into my Doldrum Stance in preparation for my next attack.

 

Which came from below as Sanji kicked his way out of the pile, shouting, “You call that not overdoing it!”

 

Before I could apologize, there was a strange coppery smell of blood coming from above me. Dashing away, I turned to look back, just in time to see a few lacerated soldiers fall on Sanji again.

 

“What’s wrong shit cook?” Zoro taunted as he sheathed his swords, “Having trouble with the weather? Can’t handle a light breeze or a bit of rain?”

 

“Fucking mosshead, that was a miniature cyclone and you know it! And what rain? All I saw was a gorilla throwing shit around!” Sanji grunted as he kicked his way out of there. Lighting a cigarette, he took a drag before pointing at me, “And you! Stop looking so happy!”

 

Gaping, I pointed at myself and sputtered in shock. I felt good about not killing or damaging anything. I could smile from time to time. I protested, “What? I took out a bunch of mooks without having to slice them up! I deserve to feel proud about that!”

 

“Something wrong about slicing?” Zoro asked, sounding insulted.

 

Turning to face him, I thrusted with my right wing to send a blast of air at the soldier behind him, explaining coolly, “I can slice through anything. At least I think I can. (Can I?)  Never mind. Point is I can slice stuff real good, but I can’t slice when I don’t want to.”- I looked at the ground and reworked that sentence backwards slowly-” Wait. that doesn’t make sense… Point is, I want more control. Like-”

 

A loud crack came from behind me, causing me to turn just in time to see Sanji kicking away a soldier that had been sneaking up on me. Lowering his foot, he snapped, “Pay attention shitty horse. Don’t gossip with fucking mosshead.”

 

Saluting, I nodded before noticing that the entire ship was filled with the fallen bodies of the soldiers. Huh, that was faster than expected. The coast was probably clear if Usopp felt safe enough to pose on top of the bodies.

 

“Huh, these guys are weak,” Zoro commented, sheathing his swords with a shink. “I wonder how Luffy’s doing?”

 

“Trying to catch a surprisingly fast hippo,” I said, pointing with a hoof.

 

For a fucking fat ass, King Hippo was giving Luffy a hard time, running around the main mast. Actually no, wait, that’s just a cartoon chase around the tree where the characters run in circles. Except here it’s the mast and it’s my captain and a hippo-shaped human. I flapped to get a better view and sighed as they only seemed to speed up, asking, “How much do you want to bet that Luffy’s just been chasing him around the mast in circles this whole time?”

 

“No bet,” Zoro and Sanji said in unison before glaring at each other.

 

Ignoring them, I took a quick look around to see that Luffy had done a good job keeping King Hippo from eating Going Merry. While King Hippo was slurping up the anchor rope, which I think could be easily replaced, there was little damage to Going Merry herself.

 

Eventually, I got tired of watching them run in circles. Cupping my hooves around my mouth, I shouted, “Turn around Captain!”

 

Spinning around, he ran back at King Hippo, who opened his mouth wide and…

 

“You spit out my captain right now, you fucking oversized crap of a poster child for chitting obesity!” I shouted, sweeping my wings back to dash into a painful stop. 

 

My fucking tail! It feels like somebody just tried to tear my ass off with my tail. OW! Turning around, I slapped the hand grasping it, tugging my tail to hug it protectively. I glared at Zoro who had grabbed it. I growled, “Don’t grab a mare’s tail like that. It hurts.”

 

Glancing back at the two noodley appendages stretching out from King Hippo’s mouth, I cocked my head and murmured, “Though I do see why you stopped me.”

 

“GET OFF MY SHIP!” Luffy shouted as he launched King Hippo off into the distance.

 

You’d think that’d be the end of it, but a purple tipped mushroom jumped onto the deck.

 

...No wait, that’s a human. A really tacky and purple mushroom of a human, but human nevertheless.  I crouched into my Doldrum Stance despite how stupid he looked. I didn’t remember this from my memories of canon. Not one bit. So this was either an OC dreamt up by BAROB or this was a filler character from one of the anime. And since villains in the anime tended to be powerful… Why does life love screwing me over? Like, I know it’s an equal opportunity screwer, but somedays it feels focused on me

 

“My brother’s men are weaklings,” the figure spat, glaring at them. He crossed his arms across his chest and shouted, “ **Shade Dance!** ”

 

Bursts of purple bullets fired out in an arc from his purple head, raining down on the screaming soldiers, hitting some while missing others. Those who were hit writhed on the floor, gasping for air as their skin grayed in color before ultimately falling limp. Those that weren’t quickly got up and hurriedly carried the victims back onto their ship.

 

All the while, mushroom bastard just laughed, “Mushushushu! Hah! Good practice for the doctors, eh? Let this be a lesson! The Drum Kingdom tolerates no weaklings!”

 

The retreating soldiers that weren’t helping or injured, all to a one, snapped into formation and saluted, shouting, “Yes, General Musshuru!”

 

Sanji scowled, growling, “He poisoned his own men.”

 

I nodded mutely, keeping my guard up. He was definitely going to boast a bit and then attack. The only question was who. Thankfully, he already showed a bit of his hand and if Shade Dance is his go to attack, then I should be able to hopefully defend against it then counterattack.

 

Musshuru turned back around and sneered at us, boasting, “My brother may have been playing around a bit too much, but rest assured that I, General Musshuru will make short work of you and your crew.”

 

Well, that’s ominous. My suspicions were proven correct when he bent his head forward and shouted, “Shade Dance!”

 

Having already been prepared beforehand, I bounded forward to fly in front of Luffy, floating for a moment with my wings braced before me. Flinging them up to send a powerful updraft of wind, I landed on the ground from the recoil, shouting, “ **Shēng Qì Liú Dùn** **!** (Airflow Shield)”

 

The purple bullets that shot from his head all missed as they soared upward, carried by the wind and overshot by a wide margin. Musshuru gaped in shock at my shield of wind. Naturally, I took advantage of it, jumping off the deck into a sideways spin, my wings cutting through the air to send a blade of wind toward Musshuru.

 

“ **Basic Wing Slice!** ” I called out as it flew across.

 

Musshuru raised his arms into a cross to block. I expected the block to succeed. I did not expect the bright arc of red as his right hand fell to the ground with a thunk. When I landed, there was a long bout of silence. And then he screamed. It was long and painful to hear, but eventually he stopped.

 

“You’ll regret doing that pegasus! Mark my words,” Musshuru growled, breathing heavily as he clutched his bleeding stump with his other hand. Turning around with a flourish of his cape, he commanded, “Move! We’re going to go rescue my brother! Isshi 20! To me!”

 

Moving faster than expected, the enemy ship’s crew worked like clockwork, dropping the sail, detaching their ship from ours to sail away at a rapid pace.  I stared blankly as it did, lost in my thoughts. I know decapitating Mr. T in one go meant that I was strong, but have I turned so strong that I can’t remember how to control my own strength? ...Damn it, SAROB usually had something witty to tell me about how stupid I was being about this.

 

Hm… I guess that’s what fighting for your life non-stop on an island gets you. I have undergone a training arc. Neat, I’d still like a refund on the trauma, but it’s nice to be strong enough to defend things against assholes like that. Could do with less blood and gore.

 

A lot less. A lot… Wow, that’s a lot of blood. And that arm is still bleeding out. How odd. That’s weird. It shouldn’t have that much-

 

“OW!” I shouted, holding my throbbing head. Why does my head keep getting hit!? Rubbing it, I looked around, shouting, “Who hit me!?”

 

“I did, shitty horse,” Sanji said, “You were zoning out.”

 

“First time in a fight?” Zoro asked, picking up the arm and tossing it overboard.

 

Shaking my head, I slapped myself. No. It was harsh and even spartan to injure him to that extent, but he was about to poison Luffy. Looking up, I smiled and said, “No. Just my first against a human one. I was too strong and I need to learn control.”

 

“You did good,” Zoro said, patting my head with the hand that he used to toss the bloody arm overboard. I appreciate that you’re trying to comfort the traumatized tiny pegasus and all that it entails, but now there’s blood in my mane… Though this is still one of the first non-threatening, and dare I say it, nice human contact that I’ve had in… Wow, I need a lot of hugs to makeup for my isolation. I’ve been so lonely. Either way, I leant into the headpats, closing my eyes and just enjoyed the validating touch.

 

“Wash your hands you heathen!” Sanji scolded, “You’ve gotten the shitty horse all bloody now!”

 

“The horse doesn’t mind!” Zoro shouted back.

 

“Actually, I do,” I purred sleepily as the adrenaline left me. For a sword maniac, Zoro sure does know how to pet things. I yawned, “My mane’s getting sticky and it’s going to be a pain to untangle, but keep doing what you’re doing. It’s nice.”

 

Sadly, Zoro stopped. I shook my head and shivered. Wow, either being a pegasus makes those kind of things super enjoyable or I have touch deprivation… I choose to believe it’s the first part even though it’s probably the second.

 

I jumped as a door slammed open, Vivi asked, “What’s going on!?”

 

“Oh hey, Vivi! How’s Nami doing?” Sanji called.

 

“Fine. I heard gunshots and-” Vivi said before trailing off. She pointed at me and asked, “Why is there a pegasus on Zoro’s head?”

 

I’m standing on Zoro’s head? Looking down, I saw that yes, I was in fact standing on Zoro’s green head. Must have jumped up there when I got surprised. Coughing in embarrassment, I hopped off, hovering in front of Zoro to bow in apology.

 

“Because the shitty horse thought it was grass,” Sanji jeered. Turning, he addressed me, asking, “Anyways, what was up with that shit about joining the Straw Hats? That’s the first I’m hearing about it.”

 

“What are you? Stupid?” Zoro smirked, finding a place to lie down against, “Luffy obviously recruited the tiny  _ flying _ horse with  _ wings. _ ”

 

Sanji snarled before pausing to pinch his nose and sighed, “You know what, that does make too much sense. This is the exact sort of thing that Luffy would recruit.”

 

“Shishishi!” Luffy giggled as he flipped in, “Yeah! Isn’t she cool?”

 

Sanji nodded absently before freezing and echoing stupidly, “She?”

 

Ignoring his cook’s existential crisis, Luffy cackled, wrapping me up into a tight hug, “Yeah! Sai’s our new pegasus!”

 

“Meh, she can hold her own in a fight and that’s good enough,” Zoro said, looking just about ready to take a nap. He had just closed his eyes though when suddenly they snapped open again as he asked, “Wait! When did she get on the ship? She was hiding in the crow’s nest earlier, but when did she get on!?”

 

I’d answer that, but Luffy’s hugging me. Super tight too. Can’t breathe. Ow. Ow. Ow, I like hugs, but too hard. I frantically tapped out, but Luffy didn’t pay attention.

 

“Uh, guys? Do you guy know what the huge package wrapped in leaves is?” Usopp asked as he came clanking up with a bucket of water and a mop. How proactive of him to get prepared to clean up the mess that I’m about to make. Oof, i feel like throwing up as Luffy spins us around.

 

Oh wait, the package? I can answer that if you just get me out of this meathead’s hug. It’s too tight. Way too tight. I wheezed, squeaking like a toy everytime Luffy tightened his grip in excitement as he bounced around happily. This is not helping my motion sickness.

 

“The shitty horse is a woman? I… I yelled at a woman?” Sanji muttered hollowly. He then collapsed to his knees and howled a long, wordless regret. ...You’re  _ useless. _

 

“Mystery package!” Luffy shouted gleefully, finally letting me go to dash into the hull. I dropped limply with a soft thud onto the deck, rolling onto my back to just try and get some air back in. Decapitating Mr. T the T. Rex, literally disarming a man, and getting into a brawl. All of these were less tiring than getting hugged by Luffy.

 

When I finally caught my breath, I lazily raised a hoof and answered the questions in order, “Zoro, I came from Little Garden. I snuck onto the ship because I thought joining you guys would be cool. Also it was my chance to escape from that hell. Usopp, the package wrapped in leaves is all the meat that I harvested from Mr. T. Mr. T is the late Tyrannosaurus Rex who was the de facto ruler of Little Garden until he lost his head. Sanji, yes. I am a woman. Female. At least biologically. Let me get back to you on the other bits. Other than that, please treat me normally.”

 

I then let my hoof dropped as I enjoyed the stability of the deck. I felt sick. Luffy’s spinning gave me a bout of vertigo and I was just trying to stare at a cloud for my fixed point to recover from it.

 

Zoro and Usopp hummed in understanding and from the sound of snoring and mopping, were content to return to their previous tasks. However, Sanji suddenly dashed away with heavy steps opening and closing the door to the main cabin with a slam. No idea what that’s about, but since it doesn’t affect my becoming one with the ship and escaping vertigo. Though.I figured they’d have follow up questions. Meh, I’m sure it’ll be fine. SAROB should be here for those any-

 

Vivi suddenly snapped, “None of you answered my original question!”

 

Rolling to my hooves, I kept my eyes close, trying to ride out the wave of vertigo. I do not like being spun by forces outside of my control. As I did this, I explained, “Well, a fight obviously happened. Wouldn’t that be evident from the gunshots? Also a mushroom and a hippo tried killing Luffy, but they’re gone now. Wait, where were you this whole time?”

 

“A hippo and a-” Vivi said before stopping with  a huff, “Look. I was making sure that Nami was behind cover and-” she stopped, doing a double take-” Are you a pegasus?”

 

Whew, vertigo finally passed. Looking at my wings and hooves, I confirmed that yes, I was indeed a pegasus. I stared blankly at her, flapping my wings and showing off my hooves as proof, saying, “Unless something’s changed about that, I think I have all the equipment to be a pegasus.”

 

Staring blankly at me, Vivi quickly shook her head, saying “That doesn’t matter. Were they-”

 

The main deck suddenly slammed open and Sanji span forward to place a plate of… Oh my gods, are those pancakes!? I haven’t had pancakes in… literal years! Though, I did flinch away as Sanji bowed deeply into a classic gentleman bow. As he did, Sanji simpered,“Oh greatest apologies, Madame Mare! I have insulted you in more ways than I could ever atone for! Please! Enjoy these meager offerings for forgiveness.”

 

“It’s fine, though this isn’t what I had in mind when I said ‘treat me normally’ ,” I grumbled a bit annoyed at the slight sexism. Slowly relaxing my surprised posture to cautiously lean forward and smell it, I grinned as I smelled the sweetness. When was the last time I had something sweet? Smiling, I admitted, “ Though I’d be lying that I don’t mind being spoiled. Itadakimasu!”

 

I leapt forward and took a big bite, chewing and then swallowing. Oh gods, it tasted sweet. So sweet. I love it. I want more and- Why does my throat itch? Oh gods, I don’t feel good. The sweetness was turning sickly and why is it betraying me? Just let me have this. Please. Why? Am I allergic to sugar now? No! Please say it ain’t so.

 

_ =I have returned,= _ SAROB announced. They hummed a bit as they took at the current situation, finally saying,  _ =You appear to be unwell. Judging by the pancakes, it is something similar to food poisoning. However, it is most likely cooked by Sanji whose skill would have reduced such chances to near zero.It must be because your body adapted to simple foods with simple flavors during your time on Little Garden. So suddenly eating something complex is a complete turn from your usual fare of food. While you are not experiencing food poisoning, your body believes it is being poisoned and is thus reacting as such.= _

 

Oh that’s nice to know.  My fears of having a sweets allergy have been replaced by entirely new ones. I’d say it- Oh gods, the vertigo is back and it’s having hate sex with the food poisoning and now I just want to throw up because of it. Which I don’t want to happen because I think I just made a good impression on the crew. I don’t want to screw this up.

 

Stomping her feet, Vivi shouted in frustration, “Okay, can somebody just PLEASE explain to me what’s-”

 

Oh gods, the third trimester just passed and the lovechild is coming up and out of my mouth. I retched all over the pancakes, screwing everything up. As I wiped my mouth, I noticed that everything was eerily silent. I want to cry. Oh gods, I think I am. Oh no. No. I’m Sai! World’s strongest pegasus! I don’t-

 

And now my face is wet. Wonderful. I’m an embarrassment. Wiping my face, I  tried to keep the tears from coming, but oh gods, everything was just coming out in a rush now. I’m off Little Garden, I killed Mr. T, I joined the Straw Hats, I almost killed a man, I can’t eat sweet things without throwing up, and now I’m crying. Oh gods, it’s the world’s shittiest rollercoaster.

 

I don’t know whether to be sad or happy or angry or worried or stressed. Am I just going to go through mood swings all the time now!?

 

_ =Sending feelings of comfort.=  _ SAROB said, sending me waves of comfort through our link. It felt nice until they asked,  _ =Is this proving effective?= _

 

That was so out of the blue that I started laughing. Which sucked, because now I was tasting my snot. Which just made me cry and laugh and I’m a fucking laughing AND crying mess. I’m just… tired. So tired. Wow, I am exhausted with all the fighting and feelings and stress. Has it been a day? No, not even. I have felt things other than constant fear or dread and that is making me more tired than it should be. Or is it? Interacting with people is hard. Yawning, I mumbled, “Sorry about this. All of this. Going to sleep now. SAROB, please take over... ”

 

_ =Again!? Wait! Are you just leaving me to take care of this= _ SAROB asked, an unusual, but not out of character, note of panic mixed in. Not my problem though. Imma topple right on over and fall asleep, I vaguely noticed that I was about to fall into my own puke but was too tired to care.

 

Night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i'm undergoing a third rewrite of this story
> 
> these are the chapters i have written
> 
> Read them now because they're going to be gone as soon as i make something better
> 
> sorry

Gunshots are a terrible alarm. Least of all because it sends you straight from sleepy to battle ready as soon as you opened up your eyes. When somebody places your sleeping body in a crate when you’re sleeping and without your knowledge, you’re liable to hit the sides at least once. Because life fucking hates you and wants you to hurt yourself when you wake up.

 

Waking up this way, for me at least, caused me to bruise both wings when I pomfed them in a take off, hit my head against the wall when I jerked it up, and then stubbed my knees when I tried to kick out.

 

This is why I sleep on the ground or tie myself to a tree branch (Lightly of course). Nothing to bonk against when you wake up. As I moaned in pain, SAROB chirped, “Welcome back to the world of the living, Sai!”

 

“Fuck you too,” I groaned as a swirl of grogginess and alertness accompanied my awakening. Hopping out of the crate, I shook my head only to have something smack me in the eye. Keeping it closed and muffling my cries of pain, I held the thing and saw that it was a… “SAROB, why is my mane in pigtails? Actually, wait. What happened to your monotone?”

 

“Interesting questions,” they laughed. Their laugh sounded normal and nothing was wrong with it. It still sent shivers down my spine to see them act so emotional. Like, they have emotions, but they always tried to hide it. I don’t know, it was like hearing your stereotypical goth friend suddenly laugh like an anime schoolgirl. Freaky, out of character, and more than a bit off putting. Singing, they said, ”Allow me to show you in the way of my people!”

 

Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “What does that-”  
  
Everything went to black as my vision transitioned to a...

  
  


_ FLASHBACK _

 

=Don’t leave me alone like this!= _ SAROB panicked, shouting into the void. Alas to no avail as Sai toppled face first into the remnants of pancake and puke. Once again, SAROB was thankful that the only sensations they shared was sight and sound. It did not envy the feeling of mushiness on the skin. _

 

_ Rubbing their temporary avatar’s (not true body, never their true body) temples, they sighed, floating over to the monitor that controlled their view of the world. Tapping it once, twice, thrice, the monitor switched from the Sai’s first person to a backwards perspective shift that showed Usopp cleaning the blood from behind Sai to an upwards perspective view of the sky. _

 

_ Growling in irritation, SAROB tapped it five more times, skipping past the side views of Sai and the bottom view of the deckfloor to the freelook perspective and accidentally skipped past it to arrive at an over-the-shoulder viewpoint of Sai. The pegasus looked even more pitiful sleeping with her face in her own vomit. _

 

_ “OKay, I have a lot of questions,“ Vivi sighed, “But can you first carry the pegasus to the bathroom? I’m going to wash her.” _

 

_ “At once, Princess!” Sanji sang. The monitor moved up in the air to hip level and began to move across the deck, occasionally blocked by a tuft of rainbow mane as it bounced. _

 

_ Giggling, Vivi followed along, saying softly, “Thank you, Sanji. You’re always so helpful. But would you mind telling me, what happened?” _

 

_ As the monitor showed them entering the lower decks of Going Merry and Sanji began summarizing the encounter, SAROB sighed, rubbing their forehead in relief. Drifting away from the monitor, they moved to the shelves that housed the applications of the tablet. Scrolling past the applications such as the internet browser, the One Piece library, they passed through a dozens applications before finding the one they desired. Taking it out, they looked at the application with a mic symbol emblazoned upon it. _

 

_ Grabbing the One Piece Library App, denoted by the Straw Hat Skull and Crossbones, SAROB drifted back to settle down in front of the monitor and began to reread the earlier chapters of One Piece. Everything seemed to be in control and it had everything set up for its communication with the Straw Hats when Sai awoke once more. _

 

_ Looking at the screen, SAROB saw that Sai, and thereby their tablet-home, had been moved into the bathtub. Carefully tapping the monitor until it was set to freelook, SAROB swiped it up into a viewpoint that allowed it to see Vivi kneeling in the bathtub about to start scrubbing Sai. This would be a great moment to suddenly talk and frighten her, something Sai would do with her strange sense of humor. _

 

_ … _

 

_ What? You thought it was going to talk to the Straw Hats on its own volition? Fat chance of that… SAROB sighed, “I miss being able to see the fourth wall. It’s so lonely. Sai’s stuck in Dreamland and it’s a pain to traverse through her mind’s jungle to look for her.” _

 

_ It took them a moment before they cursed, realizing that not only had it demonstrated a character trait of melancholy, it had also spoke in its feminine voice. Again. And now it was stomping its hooves- er, its avatar’s hooves in anger. Nope. No emotions whatsoever. _

 

_ Monotone. Monotone. Refer to self in Third Person View, it was a ROB. A ROB. And a ROB was above such things as unrestrained emotions and desires and views… Okay, how about it read One Piece again instead of focusing on identity crises reserved for characters that it most certainly did not have. That was always fun. _

 

_ “Wow, you are a dirty pony, aren’t ya?” Vivi cooed, as she soaped up Sai’s coat and mane. Humming an Alabastic lullaby, Vivi scrubbed the filth off as she rinsed Sai clean. Finishing, she grabbed a towel to begin drying her off, saying,  “I never really understood the appeal of ponies until now. You’re just so cute!~” _

 

_ SAROB pressed on the monitor for a period of time, waiting for a little red light to start blinking the lower right corner. If nothing else, this would be amusing to watch Sai’s reaction to Vivi styling her mane into pigtails. _

  
  


When my vision came back, I realized that my face was squashed unpleasantly against the wooden floor. Getting up again, I grumbled, mindful to not wake up Nami from her slumber, “Was that really necessary?”

 

“Absolutely,” SAROB lied without remorse. Rolling my eyes, I let them have the victory and flew sedately toward the door. Opening it, I dashed out to see Luffy and Vivi kneeling in front of a bunch of angry villagers with guns.

 

Huh, I vaguely remember this bit. Vivi stops Luffy from fighting and asks him to beg. The diplomacy roll succeeds and… some ox guy takes them to a village. I guess we’re still on track for canon. Relatively.

 

Closing the door, I shifted to my Tontatta form. My naked body shivered without the fur to protect against the cold. Gritting my teeth, I powered through it to undo my pig tails. No offense, but Sai is not a pig tails kind gal. If anything, she’s a pony tail girl. Get it? Because I’m a pony?

 

“You are not as comedic as you think.”

 

“You are not as comedic as you think,“ I parroted mockingly. Wincing as I  pulled my hair by accident, I pushed past the pain and finished undoing one end. I grumbled, “Bitch, I’m hilarious. Was it really necessary to give me a flashback over these things?”

 

“Very.” SAROB monotoned. Don’t know why they do it when they’re so inconsistent about it. Sometimes they do it for weeks in a row, then drop it for days, and then flip flop. Gods above, they act like an angsty teenager sometimes.

 

“You’re a bitch,” I informed them blandly as I worked on the opposing side. Squinting my eyes, I widened as I realized something. “Wait, you have hooves? Are you a pony? Why are you using the audio function? I thought you didn’t want the Straw Hats to know about you? Ugh. So many questions.”   
  


SAROB let out an unexpectedly haughty laugh, “Ah, let me explain in the way of my people. Once more.”

 

Despite all their appearances of trying to be above it all, SAROB had a sense of humor. A rotten one though. Freezing halfway through undoing my second pigtail, I shouted, “Wait no! Don’t you dare! Don’t you-”

 

“Oh relax, this one also includes the Little Garden Arc. It’ll be fun for you to reread.”

 

Everything went to black as I was forcibly sent to sleep, reliving the events of the original Little Garden arc and then seeing another...

  
  


_ FLASHBACK _

 

_ As the gray-blue sky bled into the orange hues of dusk, the crew of the Going Merry all convened in the main room for supper. It was a more sober affair than usual with Luffy only attempting to steal food from Usopp exactly once. As they ate Sanji’s healthy stew and a few pieces of hardtack, each member at the table turned to stare worriedly at their bedridden navigator, Nami. Vivi had tried feeding her earlier, but Nami had barely gotten a few sips of soup, but she had barely gotten a few sips down before she laid her head back down to fall asleep again. The crew was uncharacteristically silent and that was… worrisome to SAROB. _

 

_ SAROB had been watching through the monitor the ongoings of the crew. After being cleaned and the mane undone from its pigtails, Sai had been placed onto a pillow inside a crate to nap it off. The crate had initially been outside, but as the snowfall grew heavier had been moved to inside the lounge at the foot of Nami’s bed. Being proactive, SAROB had set the viewpoint of the monitor to encompass a bird’s eye view of the interior of the lounge. _

 

_ Having read through the One Piece library already, SAROB had then decided to quietly observe the Strawhats. Initially interesting, it was now… not boring, but… something. Whatever that something, it made SAROB pac- have their avatar pace in front of the monitor in an attempt to bleed off this unpleasant feeling that it got from watching it. If it had to call it something, it’d possibly call it anxiety, but ROBs do not feel anxiety. If it did though, SAROB admitted to itself, it would be worried about Nami’s condition. Despite the foreknowledge gleamed from Sai’s tattered scraps of memories that Nami would ultimately survive this with little to no ill effects, the butterfly effect was near impossible to effect even for a fully powered ROB. _

 

_ So it paced back and forth, not really listening to the conversation, ignoring this unpleasant feeling. It wished Sai was here. Sai was proactive and while she did not have the best plans or even plans, could be counted to take life by the metaphorical horns and drive it someplace, somewhere out of this strange and unpleasant feeling of stagnation. _

 

_ That was another thing adding to SAROB’s feeling. Sai should have woken up by now, damn it. It had tried going out into the her mind to search for Sai, but for some reason, the jungle was being more obstreperous then usual, actively blocking them from finding Sai. Which was odd because the entire jungle was quieter than usual. Nothing had tried to eat SAROB, but the forest had rearranged itself to always return it back to the Dome that represented SAROB’s prison in Sai’s mind. This was worrying SAROB. _

 

_ Ugh, distracting oneself with the useless recallings of a futile endeavor was only making SAROB more angry, not less. _

 

_ Kicking at a box, SAROB suddenly shouted, “UGH! This is stupid! I’m a child of chaos! A God amongst mortals! I should be above such petty things such as worry and anxiety and anger! Damn it! I cause it! Not feel it!” _

 

_ A sudden shout of “Who said that!?” caused SAROB to freeze before relaxing. The statement obviously could not refer to them. They were trapped in another dimension. It was- _

 

_ “I think it came from the pegasus?” Usopp said. Turning to the monitor and giving it its full attention, SAROB watched Usopp carefully pick Sai up out of the crate to place them spread eagle onto the table. _

 

_ “...It’s asleep,” Zoro observed blandly, leaning to the left to dodge Sanji’s chop. Turning, he snapped, “Oi! What the hell Shitty cook? Shouldn’t you be cleaning the dishes?” _

 

_ “That is not an it!” Sanji snapped before clasping his hands together to sing, “That is a she!~” _

 

_ “What are you? A horse fucker?” _

 

_ “Hardly!” Sanji twirled, still singing, “I am simply appreciative of  ALL feminine beauty!~” _

 

_ “So a horse fucker,” Zoro stated bluntly. _

 

 _Sanji was silent before leaping into a kick towards Zoro, “Die Marimo!”_ __  
_  
_ __Blocking it, Zoro dropped low for a tackle, shouting, “Fuck off, Horse fucker!”

 

_ Predictably, the two settled into a brawl. Not so predictable was the cause of this predicament. SAROB snapped out of their panicked freeze, looking around the area for an explanation of what was going on. What had caused this? _

 

_ Ignoring the ensuing brawl, Usopp poked Sai a few times, saying, “Anyways, I’m not the only one who heard that right?” _

 

_ “Did it sound like an angry girl? Like around 8 years old?” Vivi said. _

 

_ “I am an immortal god!” SAROB huffed. It was a proud ROB that had the best monotones. Wait. Did it say that out loud? Argh! No! It’s character was falling apart! It was supposed to be above it all! _

 

_ “There it is again!” Usopp exclaimed, hiding under the table from Zoro and Sanji’s brawl. _

 

_ “Interesting. It can hear us. Hold on a minute,” Vivi said calmly before turning to shout, “Oi! Stop it, you two! Take it outside! You’re going to wake up Nami! And you too Luffy!” _

 

_ Holding her hand up against the monster trio’s protests, Vivi waited for silence before shouting, “You three could use a brawl to bleed off the stress! So go outside and do it!” _

 

_ The protests started up again. Pinching her nose, Vivi tapped her foot irritably. When the protests died down, she pointed at them and growled, “Sanji. Don’t lie. Luffy. You only stole one drumstick from Usopp this entire meal. Zoro, you like fighting, so the fact that you’re protesting fighting to bleed off stress means that you are stressed. All of you are stressed. So. Go! fight! it off! NOW!” _

 

_ Obligingly, the trio took it outside. While it made SAROB happy that Nami’s slumber would be undisturbed, this meant that they were about to be interrogated. _

 

_ In unison, Vivi and Usopp turned to face them and- _

 

**_*THUD* *THUD* *THUD*_ **

  
  


Ow. Ow. Ow. Somebody was shaking me super close to the floor and my head was beating a rhythm because of it. Flailing my arms, I shouted, “Stop shaking me! I’m awake!”

 

“You have to do something! There’s a mushroom man out there! Half the town is poisoned because of him!” Usopp shouted, “You’re strong right?”

 

“Who the fuck you think you’re talking to!? Of course I am. World’s Strongest Pegasus right here. What do you need?” I snapped, throwing the blanket (When did I get a blanket?) off and transforming into a pegasus. We were outside in the snow and hiding behind a tree. For some reason. Argh! Why is it that I’m sleeping most of the time when I’m joining the Straw Hats!? Why!? First I faint, then I throw up and faint, and now I get knocked out twice in a row by SAROB in some sick prank! And I STILL know nothing about what happened last night! I’d like some context! Some sense of knowing what’s going on!?

 

“COME OUT! HANDS IN THE AIR!”

“CLOSE ALL THE OPENINGS!”

“IN THE NAME OF KING WAPOL, SURRENDER!”

“GAS MASKS! WHERE ARE THE GAS MASKS!?”  
“HIDE! GET THE CHILDREN TO SAFETY!”

“HAHAHAHA! DIE! DIE! DIE!  
“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”

“HOLD YOUR BREATH AND RUN!”

 

And now there’s screaming. Well, there always was screaming, but now i’m just registering it. Because that’s exactly what I need to feel in control and calm. Other people screaming in panic. At least I know that this is a life-or-death situation. Closing my eyes, I steeled myself and breathed.

 

In for nine.  
Hold for eight.

Out for seven.  
Hold for six.

 

Opening my eyes, I shifted back to being a pegasus and snapped, “SAROB, sitrep!”

 

_ =I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!= _ SAROB whined, dropping their monotone completely. They… sounded adorable. Wow. I mean, I heard hints of their real voice, but wow. They sound like a younger version of Fluttershy.

 

...Okay, I have a lot of questions. However, none of them are pertinent, so I shook my head to refocus and stated, “I need a sitrep. Can you give me one?” 

 

SAROB ignored the question in favor of sobbing wetly. Since they were talking in my mind, it felt like it was filling up with snot. _ =The nice bull man is about to die! And so is the village! And Zoro’s dying! And you were asleep and you could’ve stopped it and it’s all my fault that you weren’t awake.= _

 

Okay, scratch that. I have a LOT of questions about this. Like when and where did SAROB find all their emotions. They’ve been an emotionless piece of shit with the dryest humor ever since they moved into my tablet a year ago. Why is it showing emotion? And why now? Wait, Zoro’s dying!?

 

Looking behind me, I saw that Vivi was tending to a pale and barely breathing Zoro. Well. That doesn’t help my anxiety or panic. At all. Flying up for a bit and using the treeline, I saw a town half buried in snow. The other half was buried in a toxic looking purple smog. Green-coated soldiers in what looked like gas masks were wandering through and systematically taking out the villagers into the smog. They waited for them to breathe in the smog and start spasming until falling limp before dragging them into… piles of bodies.

 

Fucking hell. This is… I feel pukey. Why is this something straight out of a World War 2 concentration camp? No. Focus. Okay, so objective is to free that village. Hopefully, there’s a cure for the poison. There has to be. This is a story and it’s a happy one. Have to believe that there’s a cure.

 

“Usopp, sitrep!” I snapped, trying to get an understanding of what was going on. For fuck’s sake, it looked as if three types of shitstorms went down and I’m only seeing the aftermath, damn it!

 

“We’re all going to die!” Usopp wailed quietly.

 

“While possibly accurate, not helpful!” I snapped, turning to the next person, “Vivi! Sitrep!”

 

“Wapol and his men just attacked the town earlier! Then an avalanche came. We got buried, but we survived. We were making it back to town after finding Zoro. We came in to find the remainder of Wapol’s forces threatening the town.”

 

“So naturally you guys attacked,” I nodded in understanding, “Which evidently didn’t work out too well, seeing as our strongest fighter is poisoned.”

 

“You seem awfully calm and collected,” Vivi observed dubiously. Understandable, since last time she saw me I was a laughing, crying, vomiting mess.

 

Smiling serenely, I explained, “Glad one of us thinks that. I am just compartmentalizing it for later. Kind of like yesterday when I felt excitement, nausea, panic, joy, and a bunch of strong feelings that culminated in my puking and fainting into a mess. I fully expect to throw up later. Possibly faint. Definitely cry.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yes. Oh,” I nodded. Quirking my head, I asked out of idle curiosity, “Quick sidenote, where was I during all of this?”

 

Shrugging, Vivi answered, “Sleeping. We didn’t feel comfortable leaving you on the ship alone, so we were carrying you along.”

 

Nodding to myself, I muttered, “Smart move, don’t leave an unknown alone in your headquarters.”

 

“What?” Vivi protested,  “No! We trust you.”

 

Looking at her disbelievingly, I stated, “You trust an emotionally unstable, tiny-ass pegasus with a slight penchant for dismemberment and murder? That you just met?”

 

While Vivi gaped at me with her mouth open, Usopp raised his hands and nodded frantically in response. I can only assume that he trusts me on account of me being the lesser of two evils. Or something. I have no context for anything right now.

 

Hoofing my face, I shook it and sighed, “Don’t answer that, we’re getting off topic. Anyways, I assume Mushroom boy survived and he’s having his merry men drag the locals out into the poison fog for shits and giggles?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Gotcha. Usopp, can you see the soldiers?”

 

“What?” Usopp whimpered, quivering in fear.

 

“You’re a fucking sniper, get your shit together,” I snapped in irritation. Gods, I like Usopp as a character. He’s a reminder that even the biggest cowards can become heroes. But in these sorts of situations, that personality just makes my stress skyrocket. “This is your range. You’re over here, you have the distance, you have your slingshot, and you have your bullets. Fucking snipe the soldiers while I aim for Mushroom head. Can I trust you to do that?”

 

For some odd reason, every word I said only seemed to make. Striking a pose, he got his weapons out, boasting, “...I am Captain Usopp! Brave Warrior of the sea! There is nothing I cannot snipe!”

 

“Nice. Keep up the lie!” I smiled. Oh, I totally get that feeling of psyching yourself up for situations you’re totally unprepared for., “From one liar to another, I totally feel you! I’m Sai! World’s Strongest Pegasus!”

 

As I crouched to jump off, Vivi suddenly asked, “Wait, what are you doing!?”

 

“I”m going to kill mushroom head. If I kill him, the poison fog should stop,” I answered. Then I thought about it and twisted my head back, quirking it as I asked, “You guys are fine with me killing him right? Because I really can’t condone genocide. Or mass poisoning. Also I’m not fully confident in taking him down non-lethally.”

 

“...If it must happen, then it must.”

 

Nodding, I crouched for takeoff again, only for Vivi to suddenly ask again, “Does Dalton survive this?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You don’t have to play dumb. SAROB already told us about your knowledge of the future.”

 

_ =I’m SORRY! I panicked! It’s all my fault! I can’t do anything right! WHY!?= _

 

Whelp, how helpful. I have many questions. I calmly stated that, saying, “...I have many more questions. Like so many. And it is making me angry. Flippety fucktuckets, I’m supposed to be the one with all the answers. Not the questions.”

 

HIs goggles on, Usopp piped in, asking, “Do I become a brave warrior?”

 

“Not the time!” I snapped before capitulating to answer, “But yes. You do! Now fucking snipe these green bitches already!”

 

“Already doing that!” Usopp said, pulling back his slingshot and… Holy the fuck, that guy just let loose five shots in the span of a breath. Judging from the surprised cries, he hit every one of them. As he grabbed another handful of pellets from his ammo bag, he asked, “What’s the plan? Because they’re going to notice me and then I’m going to run. Away that is. Not to them. Because that’d be stupid.”

 

“Keep up the good work,” I praised him, crouching down to take off, “I’m going to try and blow away the fog and then kill Musshuru. Should keep them off your back”

 

Before I could take off, Vivi suddenly interrupted for the third time, “That doesn’t answer my question. But does he make it? Does the village make it?”

 

I’d be annoyed about the constant interruption, but I think I interrupted her three times yesterday by accident, so fair’s fair. Also… she sounds scared. I’d be scared too if I found out that predetermination was possibly a thing. That sentence doesn’t make sense. I’m stressed as fuck, but… I’m going to try and keep it to myself and collapse later. Turning, I jumped to her and hugged her waist to the best of my ability (My hooves didn’t even touch, gods above it sucks being small), and sighed, “...I don’t know. This is a very different universe than the one I know. There was never a mushroom man who could poison people like this from what I saw. But what I can promise is that this is all going to stop.”

 

Hugging me back, Vivi unconsciously stroke my mane as she asked, “How do you know?”

 

I grinned. Finally. Something I know the direct answer to! “Because I’m going to stop it with my wings and hooves and all my being.”

 

Letting go, I dropped to the ground in a crouch before launching off into the air and shouted, “Now make sure Zoro doesn’t die from this!”

  
  


I flew up into the air to get an aerial view of the battlefield. On the outskirts of the town were small groups of villagers that had managed to escape. However, that damnable purple fog trapped those who had hidden inside the buildings from escaping. As mentioned before, green coated soldiers with gas masks were systematically going to building to building and dragging out villagers into the poison smoke, waiting for them to fall victim to the effects before dragging them to the center of the town.

 

Usopp’s LEET sniping skills were making it slow though, causing them to cautiously dart from cover to cover. They were only successful some of the time, dropping from either having to roll from being set on fire, a flameless explosion, or… taking off their gas mask and succumbing to the poison fog? Huh, must be some type of bullet the clogs up the gas mask. Really quite impressive just how much a skilled sniper can suppress a large force by themselves.

 

I was trying to find Mushroom head, but it was hard with SAROB’s continued sobbing babbles and apologies.  _ =I thought it’d be funny to let you sleep through some minor events! So I got Vivi to carry you with them. Then Sanji and Luffy ran up the mountain. But it turns out the witch doctor came down. And then these guys with guns started coming out and shooting. Then Zoro got lost and Dalton got shot, but we found Zoro who kicked the soldiers asses, but then Musshuru shot him and now he’s poisoned and so is this whole town. And I tried waking you up, but you wouldn’t wake up. And I’m SORRY! Is this what being a character arc feels like? It’s painful! And scary! Why do people like this!?= _

 

“We like reading it, but rarely do we enjoy living it,” I growled as I spotted mushroom head laughing in the… Flippety fucktuckets, can he get any more cliche? Standing in the center of the village and cackling? “But that’s life. We screw up, we get screwed, we screw others, but we just keep moving. Now fucking sober up. And focus. We have one chance. Just like a hunt. Do you think you can do that? Just let me know what’s around me in the hunt.”

 

_ =...I think I… no. I can’t. I’m just a fake. I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m not a ROB! I’m somebody trying to be like her daddy and I’m just a screw up! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!= _

 

“Then pretend some more. Because it’s either you lie a happy ending or the bad ending becomes the truth.”

 

_ =That doesn’t make sense.= _

 

“Yeah. I know. It’s just some fancy buzzwords to get your head in the game. I have NO idea what happened last night. But we are going to have to talk about it. Soon. So what’s the plan.”

 

Taking a deep inhale, SAROB hummed a bit before answering,  _ =First, clear away the fog. It’ll let the civilians evacuate easier and you won’t have to worry as much about the poison affliction. Then look for Musshuru. Then kill him.= _

 

Quick and efficient is the name of the game then. This is going to be a hunt. In a hunt, no prolonged contact, aim for kills. This isn’t a human. This is a rabid monster that you have to kill or be killed. A mushroom version of Mr. T where each move aimed towards him has to be as efficient as possible.

 

Rising up into the air, I closed my mouth and held my breath. Tucking my wings in, I span as I dove towards the fog, angling my dive so that I came at it from a narrow angle, skimming almost parallel to the top. Right before I hit it, I flared my wings, grabbing the air with the tips to create a whirling vortex of wind that pulled the smog along with me. Diving up, I guided the tailwind up before closing my wings to drop down like a stone.

 

The end result was a column of purple smog shooting over me, leaving much of the town free of smog, though there were a few lingering pieces. The remaining villagers, upon seeing this, quickly exited their abodes-turned-shelters en masse and hurriedly evacuated, ignoring the downed soldiers and retrieving their own.

 

Good. Good. Now where is mushroom-

 

_ =Incoming attack! Directed toward retreating civilians!= _

 

Kicking off the air, I shot to cover the back of the evacuation in preparation for the next attack. Which came in the form of a hail of purple.. I recognize this attack from earlier. Shade Dance or something. While deadly if it hit, the attack itself was light enough to be blown away. Sweeping my wings up, I sent a column of air to knock them off course, shouting, “ **Shēng Qì Liú Dùn** **!** (Airflow Shield)”

 

I grinned as it successfully blocked the attack. Now where did Mushroom head shoot that from? It would have to be somewhere where he could see the-

 

“SHADE SHOT!” was the only thing I heard before I found myself knocked out of the air, plummeting into the snow.

 

Quickly rolling to my feet, I coughed wetly as I realized that I had just been shot in the side if the blood splattering the snow was anything to judge. Where did it-

 

_ =Incoming shots! Dodge back! Now!= _

 

Blinking through the pain, I kicked off the ground and launched myself backwards and  _ crack _ through a door. Despite the pain that came with agitating my wound, I couldn’t even be mad as the area I was just in peppered with purple shots and then flooded with even more fog.

 

“Mushushushu,” Mushroom man cackled as he stepped out of the fog and through the door, “So we meet again pegasus! I’m going to pay you back for what you did with my arm! Maybe I’ll rot off-”

 

I blurred from his view as I kicked off the ground and straight into the air. I kicked off the air once, twice, thrice in a zig zag fashion to be back to back with him. Spinning around quickly, I swept my wing, pouring all my power into creating a blade of air, in his general vicinity with no real aim.

 

His head toppled off as the blade sliced through it and gouged a long line in the building. Fucking dumbass, he didn’t even bother to make sure I couldn’t move. When I landed from my aerobatic attack, I found myself misjudging it and landing on my side. The side that got shot. Moaning, I forced myself back up, allowing the tears to fall.

 

Fuck. Fuck. That hurts. But hooray for adrenaline rushes! I don’t think I could’ve pulled off that quick takeout if Mushroom man didn’t let his guard down. Thank cliches for overconfident villains setting themselves up for textbook easy takedowns. Ow. Ow. It hurts to laugh, just in and- Ow. It hurts to breathe too.

 

_ =Are you alright!? This is bad! Very bad! Why are you still moving?= _

 

Why are you panicking? I’ve had worse. Have they not… Oh right, they only came during this year. SAROB never saw me surviving. I think they saw memories of my various traumas through my nightmares, but not quite the same as experiencing it. Oh forget it, it hurts too much to try and rationalize shit out. Have to make sure Musshuru’s dead and double tap if he’s not.

 

Readying my wings for another attack, I cautiously walked over to Musshuru’s body, waiting for it to come back to life if he was a Logia user and other assorted Devil Fruit or magic bullshit. When it did not, I looked around for any other dangers. Seeing that there were none, I finally let loose the tight rein I had over my emotions and puked.

 

While Mushroom no doubt deserved it, this was still my first time killing a sentient. And it was far too easy. Also I think I’ve been poisoned based on how clammy my fur felt. When I finished retching, I walked outside in search of… Of… something. “Fuck, everything’s spinning.”

 

_ =You’ve been poisoned.= _

 

“So that’s why I’m falling down,” I observed as I collapsed against a wall and just wheezed. Fuck, I think that shot may have broken a rib or two. Wait... “Did I say that last bit out loud?”

 

_ =Yes. Yes you did. Just breathe okay? Stay awake. Don’t close your eyes.= _

 

“Okay. I can do that. Staring contest with nothing and no blinking. Ha! Ow. Okay. Just breathe. In and out. It’s funny how being near death both muddies and clears your thoughts.” I mean, I’m reliving my life in reverse and all I can think about is the fact that the Strawhats know about our little sidestep in reality. Wait, I can just ask SAROB directly. “...So you revealed all of our foreknowledge.”

 

_ =It… wasn’t really applicable in the first place.= _ SAROB admitted. They really should’ve kept their monotone. They’d be a less shitty liar. Also fuck. That means there’s even more shit that I won’t know about.

 

Also the implications of that statement… Groaning in pain, I threw my head back, thunking it lightly as I gritted out, “...You’ve been lying to me. Haven’t you. This isn’t the One Piece world as I know it. Fuck. There’s going to be filler villains and headcanons and a bunch of things that I won’t know about coming our way.”

 

_ =...Yes. But the information that you have is still applicable in a lot of places! You can-= _

 

“SAROB. I am currently bleeding from a punctured, poisoned hole in my chest and trying to stay awake. It’s taking everything I have to stay awake, so I’m just going to be pissed at you later.”

 

_ =Equestria is real!= _

 

“Okay, that’s the weirdest most out of context thing that you have ever said. I should probably give a fuck, but all that spite is going towards just not dying,” I grunted, forcing myself to my feet and heading towards where the… Isshi 20, 20 of Drum Kingdom’s best doctors were treating Dalton and the various villagers who survived the attack. It appears that they had turned the area into an impromptu medical center.

 

I don’t remember seeing them coming in to town or indeed any of the rest of the retreating villagers, but I can only assume that they returned when the poison fog dissipated after I killed mushroom head. WTF, was his name again?

 

_ =Musshuru.= _

 

Huh, neat. What’s more neat is the medical setup for the injured that the Isshi 20 had set up. About five of the doctors were operating on Dalton out in the open, taking out the three spears stabbed in his chest. I’d say something about sterility and cleanliness, but this was a field operation and it was already impressive that they got an IV setup. It was kind of funny to see the volunteer just holding the drip bag (Or whatever they’re called.) The rest of the fifteen doctors were grouping the returning villagers into a triage station, treating them based on the severity of the injury.

 

Oh right. I still have to respond to SAROB’s correction of mushroom head.

 

“Wrong,” I cackled as I meandered in a wavey fashion toward the bustling triage area, “He’s headless.”

 

_ =...You’re poisoned.= _ SAROB stated again,  _ =Horseapples, I’m panicking so much that I’ve just wrapped right back to calm.= _

 

Giggling madly, I commented, “ShiHaAHA! Isn’t that just life?”

 

Cutting past the lines of civilians, I tapped what looked like the head honcho of the whole operation a few times on the back of his knees. Turning away from the doctor that he was ordering, he looked for a bit before lowering his gaze to stare at me. Holding up a hoof, I drawled, “Can I get a checkup?”

 

He was silent for a bit before he said, “Sorry, little horse, we have serious things to do”

Pointing to the chest wound, I chuckled, “I just need to stop the bleeding. Also an antidote. Got a direct shot from fucking mushroom head.”

 

Crouching down, he lightly pressed against my wound with his gloves. He grimaced which was funny since his touch was fucking fire to me and I should be the one grimacing. He moved his hand away when I swatted, motioning for another doctor to bring a roll of gauze that he used to begin patching me up. When he finished, he stared sullenly at my chest. Looking down, I saw why. Positively soaked with blood.

 

Rubbing his chin, the doctor muttered, “Speaking as a medical professional, you should be dead.”

 

I ignored him to poke at my bloody bandages, wincing every time before poking it harder. Pain doesn’t control me. I control pain. Hah! Mushy. Mushy. Ow.

 

_ =Stop that!= _ SAROB snapped. Stopping my fight with myself, I whined softly at them before remembering that I was talking to somebody. Grinning, I puffed my chest, coughing only a little bit at the pain and boasted, “Fucking Zoan right here baby. He’s also fucking dead. And headless! Ha! Mushroom heads and all that jazzy shite. Now can I get an antidote or something? You didn’t give me a shot. Everything’s spinning and I’m moving on sheer spite.”

 

Walking away, he sighed, “We’re running out of supplies. We’ve stabilized Dalton and succeeded in removing the poison spores, but in doing so we’ve run low on the antidote. As of now, We’re prioritizing children and women.”

 

“...Fuck. And you think I can survive based on my zoan biology?”

“Based on the amount of blood you lost, you should’ve stopped talking about fifteen minutes ago if you truly were poisoned by Musshuru. As you are talking to me, it’s safe to assume that if you take a nap, you’ll be just fine,” the doctor sighed as he looked through the supplies, “Because you Zoans have the bullshit ability of surviving things that kill mere mortals.”

“Fair enough. You say you’re running out of the antidote. Is there anyway you can get more of it? Or make it?”

  
“What we need is time and supplies. Of which, we have neither. Right now, we’re trying to just use half doses of the remaining antidotes to just give a boost. The fog was a weakened version of Musshuru’s favored poisons and we hope that is enough for the half dose to work,” the doctor rubbed his brow, saying, “I’m sorry if I sound callous, but I just came from an intensive surgery and straight into a triage scenario where we have next to no supplies or medicine. Damn Wapol and his insatiable appetite.”

 

Nodding along, I said, “So… I won’t get an antidote, you’re pinning your chances on a theory and hoping that’s enough to save the most amount of people that got poisoned”-ignoring SAROB’s nagging, I scratched my wound. It was both itchy and painful-” Honest. I can respect that. I’m betting that it’s still not enough.”

 

“Yes.. We truly are grateful you killed that monster, but we Isshi 20 have neglected our duties to our people bowing down to monsters for too long. You may suffer, but you will survive without the antidote. Theoretically,” the doctor answered before lapsing into a ponderous silence. “...It used to be common practice for every household to have a few back when Musshuru was still heir apparent and running rampant with his Devil Fruit powers, but the practice died out after his exile. At this point, we need a miracle.”

 

I cackled madly, “Ha! Miracles. Sorry, buddy but I specialize in death, making it rain, and flying in the face of physics. I mean have you seen these wings,” I looked at my wings and stared at them wondrously- ”Whoa… I have wings.”

 

“...You will recover given enough time,” the doctor dismissed, “I’ve talked with you long enough and I have people to save. For what’s it worth, you did bring some much needed levity to a dire situation.” So saying, he turned, drawing a pair of gloves and a mask to put on.

 

Though, while he did that, my drugged out mind was connecting things. Like miracles and magic, wings and flight, holes in the chest with doughnut holes, sweets with allergic reactions, witches and doctors and a storage of antidotes. Trotting quickly, I caught up to him and tapped him on the leg, asking, “You got any painkillers?”

“What?” the doctor asked shocked, still walking and forcing my tiny ass legs to keep pace. I eventually gave up and just flew. “We just had a discussion about how supplies were running low. Please. Go rest, you’re not well.”

 

“Not well, ha. You’d be right about that. I’m crazy enough to fly up a mountain to a castle to find a witch doctor while poisoned, bleeding, and hopefully hyped up on painkillers.”

He paused and turned to stare at me disbelievingly. He pointed up at the mountain where the big castle was where Dr. … Witchy (Memory’s wonky). I nodded in response to his unasked question, saying, “Yeah. That mountain. That witch. That antidote. This pegasus. Right here, right now.”

 

The doctor grabbed my face and squished it, staring into my eyes as he hissed, “That could kill you! Zoan or not!”

Struggling out of his grip, I mumbled, “Better than living without doing anything. Besides, I’m the World’s Strongest Pegasus. If not also craziest. Besides, if fucking Zolo, Zozo, Roro? Tongue floppy. Talking weird. If Zoro can fucking do stupid shit when he’s half dead, I can do stupid shit too when I’m half dead.”

 

Finally ripping free, I patted myself down, Owing in pain as I patted my wound again like an idiot. Thankfully, the burst of pain cleared my mind enough to glare down the doctor and ask forcefully, “Now can you give me painkillers or not? Because I’m flying up there with or without it.”

“What’s your weight?” he asked. The doctor whirled around before I could answer, yelling out orders for some intern. Retrieving two vials and two needles, he turned to me and snapped, “Doesn’t matter, I’ll just eyeball it. I’m going to give you a little less to be safe.”

 

Obeying his motions, I gave him a hoof to inject two shots, “This first shot is a painkiller. It’s a mild one, so you’ll still feel pain but lessened. The second shot is a half dose of antidote. As said before, we’re running out, but since you’re so small it should act as a full dose. It does take time to fully activate though, but it should help give you clarity of mind.”

 

Seeing as I no longer felt the urge to poke my wound every minute after the second shot, I’d say its working. I feel the sudden urge to face hoof at my stupidity, but I have a mission to fulfill.

 

Nodding to let him know I understood, the doctor continued, “If Dr. Kureha keeps it stocked, which she should despite all her flaws, tell her to give you all the Musshuru Specialty. If she gives you any trouble, tell her that Dr. Hatachi is a quack doctor. She should give it to you with no questions. Take the antidote back as soon as you can and then fly back down. Musshuru’s poison was of the weakened variety and takes a full hour to activate. Half an hour has passed. You have thirty minutes to make the round trip.”

 

Saluting, I readied myself for takeoff. As I did, SAROB hastily reminded me,  _ =Zoro’s poisoned. I see Usopp and Vivi carrying him down right now through the center road. Make sure to reserve a dose.= _

 

Good point.

 

Taking off, I circled over the encampment and shouted, “Yo! Doctor Hatachi! One of my… crewmates is poisoned. He helped defend you guys earlier, so can you reserve a full dose for him? He’s being carried down right now to the center road.”

 

He saluted once in acknowledgement, waving one of his younger coworkers over. After talking to them, the younger doctor nodded and ran down the street to help Vivi and Usopp carry Zoro. One problem down, several more to go.

 

Turning around, I looked for the castle and...

 

_ =Was there a blizzard in canon?= _

 

“No, no there was not,” I seethed in irritation. Life just keeps throwing butterflies my way, ain’t it? Scowling, I kicked off the air and streamlined my body, flying against the winds toward the blurry silhouette of the Witch’s castle which didn’t look to be affected by the storm. Because of course, it would be in the eye of the storm. Only thematically appropriate, eh!?

 

I love stories, but i’ll be damned if I don’t hate living one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, this is the last chapter. This entire thing is undergoing a rewrite because I thought it'd be a good idea to do a 3 way crossover on top of an SIOC.
> 
> So F*** me.

Gunshots are a terrible alarm. Least of all because it sends you straight from sleepy to battle ready as soon as you opened up your eyes. When somebody places your sleeping body in a crate when you’re sleeping and without your knowledge, you’re liable to hit the sides at least once. Because life fucking hates you and wants you to hurt yourself when you wake up.

 

Waking up this way, for me at least, caused me to bruise both wings when I pomfed them in a take off, hit my head against the wall when I jerked it up, and then stubbed my knees when I tried to kick out.

 

This is why I sleep on the ground or tie myself to a tree branch (Lightly of course). Nothing to bonk against when you wake up. As I moaned in pain, SAROB chirped, “Welcome back to the world of the living, Sai!”

 

“Fuck you too,” I groaned as a swirl of grogginess and alertness accompanied my awakening. Hopping out of the crate, I shook my head only to have something smack me in the eye. Keeping it closed and muffling my cries of pain, I held the thing and saw that it was a… “SAROB, why is my mane in pigtails? Actually, wait. What happened to your monotone?”

 

“Interesting questions,” they laughed. Their laugh sounded normal and nothing was wrong with it. It still sent shivers down my spine to see them act so emotional. Like, they have emotions, but they always tried to hide it. I don’t know, it was like hearing your stereotypical goth friend suddenly laugh like an anime schoolgirl. Freaky, out of character, and more than a bit off putting. Singing, they said, ”Allow me to show you in the way of my people!”

 

Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “What does that-”  
  
Everything went to black as my vision transitioned to a...

  
  


_ FLASHBACK _

 

=Don’t leave me alone like this!= _ SAROB panicked, shouting into the void. Alas to no avail as Sai toppled face first into the remnants of pancake and puke. Once again, SAROB was thankful that the only sensations they shared was sight and sound. It did not envy the feeling of mushiness on the skin. _

 

_ Rubbing their temporary avatar’s (not true body, never their true body) temples, they sighed, floating over to the monitor that controlled their view of the world. Tapping it once, twice, thrice, the monitor switched from the Sai’s first person to a backwards perspective shift that showed Usopp cleaning the blood from behind Sai to an upwards perspective view of the sky. _

 

_ Growling in irritation, SAROB tapped it five more times, skipping past the side views of Sai and the bottom view of the deckfloor to the freelook perspective and accidentally skipped past it to arrive at an over-the-shoulder viewpoint of Sai. The pegasus looked even more pitiful sleeping with her face in her own vomit. _

 

_ “OKay, I have a lot of questions,“ Vivi sighed, “But can you first carry the pegasus to the bathroom? I’m going to wash her.” _

 

_ “At once, Princess!” Sanji sang. The monitor moved up in the air to hip level and began to move across the deck, occasionally blocked by a tuft of rainbow mane as it bounced. _

 

_ Giggling, Vivi followed along, saying softly, “Thank you, Sanji. You’re always so helpful. But would you mind telling me, what happened?” _

 

_ As the monitor showed them entering the lower decks of Going Merry and Sanji began summarizing the encounter, SAROB sighed, rubbing their forehead in relief. Drifting away from the monitor, they moved to the shelves that housed the applications of the tablet. Scrolling past the applications such as the internet browser, the One Piece library, they passed through a dozens applications before finding the one they desired. Taking it out, they looked at the application with a mic symbol emblazoned upon it. _

 

_ Grabbing the One Piece Library App, denoted by the Straw Hat Skull and Crossbones, SAROB drifted back to settle down in front of the monitor and began to reread the earlier chapters of One Piece. Everything seemed to be in control and it had everything set up for its communication with the Straw Hats when Sai awoke once more. _

 

_ Looking at the screen, SAROB saw that Sai, and thereby their tablet-home, had been moved into the bathtub. Carefully tapping the monitor until it was set to freelook, SAROB swiped it up into a viewpoint that allowed it to see Vivi kneeling in the bathtub about to start scrubbing Sai. This would be a great moment to suddenly talk and frighten her, something Sai would do with her strange sense of humor. _

 

_ … _

 

_ What? You thought it was going to talk to the Straw Hats on its own volition? Fat chance of that… SAROB sighed, “I miss being able to see the fourth wall. It’s so lonely. Sai’s stuck in Dreamland and it’s a pain to traverse through her mind’s jungle to look for her.” _

 

_ It took them a moment before they cursed, realizing that not only had it demonstrated a character trait of melancholy, it had also spoke in its feminine voice. Again. And now it was stomping its hooves- er, its avatar’s hooves in anger. Nope. No emotions whatsoever. _

 

_ Monotone. Monotone. Refer to self in Third Person View, it was a ROB. A ROB. And a ROB was above such things as unrestrained emotions and desires and views… Okay, how about it read One Piece again instead of focusing on identity crises reserved for characters that it most certainly did not have. That was always fun. _

 

_ “Wow, you are a dirty pony, aren’t ya?” Vivi cooed, as she soaped up Sai’s coat and mane. Humming an Alabastic lullaby, Vivi scrubbed the filth off as she rinsed Sai clean. Finishing, she grabbed a towel to begin drying her off, saying,  “I never really understood the appeal of ponies until now. You’re just so cute!~” _

 

_ SAROB pressed on the monitor for a period of time, waiting for a little red light to start blinking the lower right corner. If nothing else, this would be amusing to watch Sai’s reaction to Vivi styling her mane into pigtails. _

  
  


When my vision came back, I realized that my face was squashed unpleasantly against the wooden floor. Getting up again, I grumbled, mindful to not wake up Nami from her slumber, “Was that really necessary?”

 

“Absolutely,” SAROB lied without remorse. Rolling my eyes, I let them have the victory and flew sedately toward the door. Opening it, I dashed out to see Luffy and Vivi kneeling in front of a bunch of angry villagers with guns.

 

Huh, I vaguely remember this bit. Vivi stops Luffy from fighting and asks him to beg. The diplomacy roll succeeds and… some ox guy takes them to a village. I guess we’re still on track for canon. Relatively.

 

Closing the door, I shifted to my Tontatta form. My naked body shivered without the fur to protect against the cold. Gritting my teeth, I powered through it to undo my pig tails. No offense, but Sai is not a pig tails kind gal. If anything, she’s a pony tail girl. Get it? Because I’m a pony?

 

“You are not as comedic as you think.”

 

“You are not as comedic as you think,“ I parroted mockingly. Wincing as I  pulled my hair by accident, I pushed past the pain and finished undoing one end. I grumbled, “Bitch, I’m hilarious. Was it really necessary to give me a flashback over these things?”

 

“Very.” SAROB monotoned. Don’t know why they do it when they’re so inconsistent about it. Sometimes they do it for weeks in a row, then drop it for days, and then flip flop. Gods above, they act like an angsty teenager sometimes.

 

“You’re a bitch,” I informed them blandly as I worked on the opposing side. Squinting my eyes, I widened as I realized something. “Wait, you have hooves? Are you a pony? Why are you using the audio function? I thought you didn’t want the Straw Hats to know about you? Ugh. So many questions.”   
  


SAROB let out an unexpectedly haughty laugh, “Ah, let me explain in the way of my people. Once more.”

 

Despite all their appearances of trying to be above it all, SAROB had a sense of humor. A rotten one though. Freezing halfway through undoing my second pigtail, I shouted, “Wait no! Don’t you dare! Don’t you-”

 

“Oh relax, this one also includes the Little Garden Arc. It’ll be fun for you to reread.”

 

Everything went to black as I was forcibly sent to sleep, reliving the events of the original Little Garden arc and then seeing another...

  
  


_ FLASHBACK _

 

_ As the gray-blue sky bled into the orange hues of dusk, the crew of the Going Merry all convened in the main room for supper. It was a more sober affair than usual with Luffy only attempting to steal food from Usopp exactly once. As they ate Sanji’s healthy stew and a few pieces of hardtack, each member at the table turned to stare worriedly at their bedridden navigator, Nami. Vivi had tried feeding her earlier, but Nami had barely gotten a few sips of soup, but she had barely gotten a few sips down before she laid her head back down to fall asleep again. The crew was uncharacteristically silent and that was… worrisome to SAROB. _

 

_ SAROB had been watching through the monitor the ongoings of the crew. After being cleaned and the mane undone from its pigtails, Sai had been placed onto a pillow inside a crate to nap it off. The crate had initially been outside, but as the snowfall grew heavier had been moved to inside the lounge at the foot of Nami’s bed. Being proactive, SAROB had set the viewpoint of the monitor to encompass a bird’s eye view of the interior of the lounge. _

 

_ Having read through the One Piece library already, SAROB had then decided to quietly observe the Strawhats. Initially interesting, it was now… not boring, but… something. Whatever that something, it made SAROB pac- have their avatar pace in front of the monitor in an attempt to bleed off this unpleasant feeling that it got from watching it. If it had to call it something, it’d possibly call it anxiety, but ROBs do not feel anxiety. If it did though, SAROB admitted to itself, it would be worried about Nami’s condition. Despite the foreknowledge gleamed from Sai’s tattered scraps of memories that Nami would ultimately survive this with little to no ill effects, the butterfly effect was near impossible to effect even for a fully powered ROB. _

 

_ So it paced back and forth, not really listening to the conversation, ignoring this unpleasant feeling. It wished Sai was here. Sai was proactive and while she did not have the best plans or even plans, could be counted to take life by the metaphorical horns and drive it someplace, somewhere out of this strange and unpleasant feeling of stagnation. _

 

_ That was another thing adding to SAROB’s feeling. Sai should have woken up by now, damn it. It had tried going out into the her mind to search for Sai, but for some reason, the jungle was being more obstreperous then usual, actively blocking them from finding Sai. Which was odd because the entire jungle was quieter than usual. Nothing had tried to eat SAROB, but the forest had rearranged itself to always return it back to the Dome that represented SAROB’s prison in Sai’s mind. This was worrying SAROB. _

 

_ Ugh, distracting oneself with the useless recallings of a futile endeavor was only making SAROB more angry, not less. _

 

_ Kicking at a box, SAROB suddenly shouted, “UGH! This is stupid! I’m a child of chaos! A God amongst mortals! I should be above such petty things such as worry and anxiety and anger! Damn it! I cause it! Not feel it!” _

 

_ A sudden shout of “Who said that!?” caused SAROB to freeze before relaxing. The statement obviously could not refer to them. They were trapped in another dimension. It was- _

 

_ “I think it came from the pegasus?” Usopp said. Turning to the monitor and giving it its full attention, SAROB watched Usopp carefully pick Sai up out of the crate to place them spread eagle onto the table. _

 

_ “...It’s asleep,” Zoro observed blandly, leaning to the left to dodge Sanji’s chop. Turning, he snapped, “Oi! What the hell Shitty cook? Shouldn’t you be cleaning the dishes?” _

 

_ “That is not an it!” Sanji snapped before clasping his hands together to sing, “That is a she!~” _

 

_ “What are you? A horse fucker?” _

 

_ “Hardly!” Sanji twirled, still singing, “I am simply appreciative of  ALL feminine beauty!~” _

 

_ “So a horse fucker,” Zoro stated bluntly. _

 

 _Sanji was silent before leaping into a kick towards Zoro, “Die Marimo!”_ __  
_  
_ __Blocking it, Zoro dropped low for a tackle, shouting, “Fuck off, Horse fucker!”

 

_ Predictably, the two settled into a brawl. Not so predictable was the cause of this predicament. SAROB snapped out of their panicked freeze, looking around the area for an explanation of what was going on. What had caused this? _

 

_ Ignoring the ensuing brawl, Usopp poked Sai a few times, saying, “Anyways, I’m not the only one who heard that right?” _

 

_ “Did it sound like an angry girl? Like around 8 years old?” Vivi said. _

 

_ “I am an immortal god!” SAROB huffed. It was a proud ROB that had the best monotones. Wait. Did it say that out loud? Argh! No! It’s character was falling apart! It was supposed to be above it all! _

 

_ “There it is again!” Usopp exclaimed, hiding under the table from Zoro and Sanji’s brawl. _

 

_ “Interesting. It can hear us. Hold on a minute,” Vivi said calmly before turning to shout, “Oi! Stop it, you two! Take it outside! You’re going to wake up Nami! And you too Luffy!” _

 

_ Holding her hand up against the monster trio’s protests, Vivi waited for silence before shouting, “You three could use a brawl to bleed off the stress! So go outside and do it!” _

 

_ The protests started up again. Pinching her nose, Vivi tapped her foot irritably. When the protests died down, she pointed at them and growled, “Sanji. Don’t lie. Luffy. You only stole one drumstick from Usopp this entire meal. Zoro, you like fighting, so the fact that you’re protesting fighting to bleed off stress means that you are stressed. All of you are stressed. So. Go! fight! it off! NOW!” _

 

_ Obligingly, the trio took it outside. While it made SAROB happy that Nami’s slumber would be undisturbed, this meant that they were about to be interrogated. _

 

_ In unison, Vivi and Usopp turned to face them and- _

 

**_*THUD* *THUD* *THUD*_ **

  
  


Ow. Ow. Ow. Somebody was shaking me super close to the floor and my head was beating a rhythm because of it. Flailing my arms, I shouted, “Stop shaking me! I’m awake!”

 

“You have to do something! There’s a mushroom man out there! Half the town is poisoned because of him!” Usopp shouted, “You’re strong right?”

 

“Who the fuck you think you’re talking to!? Of course I am. World’s Strongest Pegasus right here. What do you need?” I snapped, throwing the blanket (When did I get a blanket?) off and transforming into a pegasus. We were outside in the snow and hiding behind a tree. For some reason. Argh! Why is it that I’m sleeping most of the time when I’m joining the Straw Hats!? Why!? First I faint, then I throw up and faint, and now I get knocked out twice in a row by SAROB in some sick prank! And I STILL know nothing about what happened last night! I’d like some context! Some sense of knowing what’s going on!?

 

“COME OUT! HANDS IN THE AIR!”

“CLOSE ALL THE OPENINGS!”

“IN THE NAME OF KING WAPOL, SURRENDER!”

“GAS MASKS! WHERE ARE THE GAS MASKS!?”  
“HIDE! GET THE CHILDREN TO SAFETY!”

“HAHAHAHA! DIE! DIE! DIE!  
“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”

“HOLD YOUR BREATH AND RUN!”

 

And now there’s screaming. Well, there always was screaming, but now i’m just registering it. Because that’s exactly what I need to feel in control and calm. Other people screaming in panic. At least I know that this is a life-or-death situation. Closing my eyes, I steeled myself and breathed.

 

In for nine.  
Hold for eight.

Out for seven.  
Hold for six.

 

Opening my eyes, I shifted back to being a pegasus and snapped, “SAROB, sitrep!”

 

_ =I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!= _ SAROB whined, dropping their monotone completely. They… sounded adorable. Wow. I mean, I heard hints of their real voice, but wow. They sound like a younger version of Fluttershy.

 

...Okay, I have a lot of questions. However, none of them are pertinent, so I shook my head to refocus and stated, “I need a sitrep. Can you give me one?” 

 

SAROB ignored the question in favor of sobbing wetly. Since they were talking in my mind, it felt like it was filling up with snot. _ =The nice bull man is about to die! And so is the village! And Zoro’s dying! And you were asleep and you could’ve stopped it and it’s all my fault that you weren’t awake.= _

 

Okay, scratch that. I have a LOT of questions about this. Like when and where did SAROB find all their emotions. They’ve been an emotionless piece of shit with the dryest humor ever since they moved into my tablet a year ago. Why is it showing emotion? And why now? Wait, Zoro’s dying!?

 

Looking behind me, I saw that Vivi was tending to a pale and barely breathing Zoro. Well. That doesn’t help my anxiety or panic. At all. Flying up for a bit and using the treeline, I saw a town half buried in snow. The other half was buried in a toxic looking purple smog. Green-coated soldiers in what looked like gas masks were wandering through and systematically taking out the villagers into the smog. They waited for them to breathe in the smog and start spasming until falling limp before dragging them into… piles of bodies.

 

Fucking hell. This is… I feel pukey. Why is this something straight out of a World War 2 concentration camp? No. Focus. Okay, so objective is to free that village. Hopefully, there’s a cure for the poison. There has to be. This is a story and it’s a happy one. Have to believe that there’s a cure.

 

“Usopp, sitrep!” I snapped, trying to get an understanding of what was going on. For fuck’s sake, it looked as if three types of shitstorms went down and I’m only seeing the aftermath, damn it!

 

“We’re all going to die!” Usopp wailed quietly.

 

“While possibly accurate, not helpful!” I snapped, turning to the next person, “Vivi! Sitrep!”

 

“Wapol and his men just attacked the town earlier! Then an avalanche came. We got buried, but we survived. We were making it back to town after finding Zoro. We came in to find the remainder of Wapol’s forces threatening the town.”

 

“So naturally you guys attacked,” I nodded in understanding, “Which evidently didn’t work out too well, seeing as our strongest fighter is poisoned.”

 

“You seem awfully calm and collected,” Vivi observed dubiously. Understandable, since last time she saw me I was a laughing, crying, vomiting mess.

 

Smiling serenely, I explained, “Glad one of us thinks that. I am just compartmentalizing it for later. Kind of like yesterday when I felt excitement, nausea, panic, joy, and a bunch of strong feelings that culminated in my puking and fainting into a mess. I fully expect to throw up later. Possibly faint. Definitely cry.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yes. Oh,” I nodded. Quirking my head, I asked out of idle curiosity, “Quick sidenote, where was I during all of this?”

 

Shrugging, Vivi answered, “Sleeping. We didn’t feel comfortable leaving you on the ship alone, so we were carrying you along.”

 

Nodding to myself, I muttered, “Smart move, don’t leave an unknown alone in your headquarters.”

 

“What?” Vivi protested,  “No! We trust you.”

 

Looking at her disbelievingly, I stated, “You trust an emotionally unstable, tiny-ass pegasus with a slight penchant for dismemberment and murder? That you just met?”

 

While Vivi gaped at me with her mouth open, Usopp raised his hands and nodded frantically in response. I can only assume that he trusts me on account of me being the lesser of two evils. Or something. I have no context for anything right now.

 

Hoofing my face, I shook it and sighed, “Don’t answer that, we’re getting off topic. Anyways, I assume Mushroom boy survived and he’s having his merry men drag the locals out into the poison fog for shits and giggles?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Gotcha. Usopp, can you see the soldiers?”

 

“What?” Usopp whimpered, quivering in fear.

 

“You’re a fucking sniper, get your shit together,” I snapped in irritation. Gods, I like Usopp as a character. He’s a reminder that even the biggest cowards can become heroes. But in these sorts of situations, that personality just makes my stress skyrocket. “This is your range. You’re over here, you have the distance, you have your slingshot, and you have your bullets. Fucking snipe the soldiers while I aim for Mushroom head. Can I trust you to do that?”

 

For some odd reason, every word I said only seemed to make. Striking a pose, he got his weapons out, boasting, “...I am Captain Usopp! Brave Warrior of the sea! There is nothing I cannot snipe!”

 

“Nice. Keep up the lie!” I smiled. Oh, I totally get that feeling of psyching yourself up for situations you’re totally unprepared for., “From one liar to another, I totally feel you! I’m Sai! World’s Strongest Pegasus!”

 

As I crouched to jump off, Vivi suddenly asked, “Wait, what are you doing!?”

 

“I”m going to kill mushroom head. If I kill him, the poison fog should stop,” I answered. Then I thought about it and twisted my head back, quirking it as I asked, “You guys are fine with me killing him right? Because I really can’t condone genocide. Or mass poisoning. Also I’m not fully confident in taking him down non-lethally.”

 

“...If it must happen, then it must.”

 

Nodding, I crouched for takeoff again, only for Vivi to suddenly ask again, “Does Dalton survive this?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You don’t have to play dumb. SAROB already told us about your knowledge of the future.”

 

_ =I’m SORRY! I panicked! It’s all my fault! I can’t do anything right! WHY!?= _

 

Whelp, how helpful. I have many questions. I calmly stated that, saying, “...I have many more questions. Like so many. And it is making me angry. Flippety fucktuckets, I’m supposed to be the one with all the answers. Not the questions.”

 

HIs goggles on, Usopp piped in, asking, “Do I become a brave warrior?”

 

“Not the time!” I snapped before capitulating to answer, “But yes. You do! Now fucking snipe these green bitches already!”

 

“Already doing that!” Usopp said, pulling back his slingshot and… Holy the fuck, that guy just let loose five shots in the span of a breath. Judging from the surprised cries, he hit every one of them. As he grabbed another handful of pellets from his ammo bag, he asked, “What’s the plan? Because they’re going to notice me and then I’m going to run. Away that is. Not to them. Because that’d be stupid.”

 

“Keep up the good work,” I praised him, crouching down to take off, “I’m going to try and blow away the fog and then kill Musshuru. Should keep them off your back”

 

Before I could take off, Vivi suddenly interrupted for the third time, “That doesn’t answer my question. But does he make it? Does the village make it?”

 

I’d be annoyed about the constant interruption, but I think I interrupted her three times yesterday by accident, so fair’s fair. Also… she sounds scared. I’d be scared too if I found out that predetermination was possibly a thing. That sentence doesn’t make sense. I’m stressed as fuck, but… I’m going to try and keep it to myself and collapse later. Turning, I jumped to her and hugged her waist to the best of my ability (My hooves didn’t even touch, gods above it sucks being small), and sighed, “...I don’t know. This is a very different universe than the one I know. There was never a mushroom man who could poison people like this from what I saw. But what I can promise is that this is all going to stop.”

 

Hugging me back, Vivi unconsciously stroke my mane as she asked, “How do you know?”

 

I grinned. Finally. Something I know the direct answer to! “Because I’m going to stop it with my wings and hooves and all my being.”

 

Letting go, I dropped to the ground in a crouch before launching off into the air and shouted, “Now make sure Zoro doesn’t die from this!”

  
  


I flew up into the air to get an aerial view of the battlefield. On the outskirts of the town were small groups of villagers that had managed to escape. However, that damnable purple fog trapped those who had hidden inside the buildings from escaping. As mentioned before, green coated soldiers with gas masks were systematically going to building to building and dragging out villagers into the poison smoke, waiting for them to fall victim to the effects before dragging them to the center of the town.

 

Usopp’s LEET sniping skills were making it slow though, causing them to cautiously dart from cover to cover. They were only successful some of the time, dropping from either having to roll from being set on fire, a flameless explosion, or… taking off their gas mask and succumbing to the poison fog? Huh, must be some type of bullet the clogs up the gas mask. Really quite impressive just how much a skilled sniper can suppress a large force by themselves.

 

I was trying to find Mushroom head, but it was hard with SAROB’s continued sobbing babbles and apologies.  _ =I thought it’d be funny to let you sleep through some minor events! So I got Vivi to carry you with them. Then Sanji and Luffy ran up the mountain. But it turns out the witch doctor came down. And then these guys with guns started coming out and shooting. Then Zoro got lost and Dalton got shot, but we found Zoro who kicked the soldiers asses, but then Musshuru shot him and now he’s poisoned and so is this whole town. And I tried waking you up, but you wouldn’t wake up. And I’m SORRY! Is this what being a character arc feels like? It’s painful! And scary! Why do people like this!?= _

 

“We like reading it, but rarely do we enjoy living it,” I growled as I spotted mushroom head laughing in the… Flippety fucktuckets, can he get any more cliche? Standing in the center of the village and cackling? “But that’s life. We screw up, we get screwed, we screw others, but we just keep moving. Now fucking sober up. And focus. We have one chance. Just like a hunt. Do you think you can do that? Just let me know what’s around me in the hunt.”

 

_ =...I think I… no. I can’t. I’m just a fake. I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m not a ROB! I’m somebody trying to be like her daddy and I’m just a screw up! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!= _

 

“Then pretend some more. Because it’s either you lie a happy ending or the bad ending becomes the truth.”

 

_ =That doesn’t make sense.= _

 

“Yeah. I know. It’s just some fancy buzzwords to get your head in the game. I have NO idea what happened last night. But we are going to have to talk about it. Soon. So what’s the plan.”

 

Taking a deep inhale, SAROB hummed a bit before answering,  _ =First, clear away the fog. It’ll let the civilians evacuate easier and you won’t have to worry as much about the poison affliction. Then look for Musshuru. Then kill him.= _

 

Quick and efficient is the name of the game then. This is going to be a hunt. In a hunt, no prolonged contact, aim for kills. This isn’t a human. This is a rabid monster that you have to kill or be killed. A mushroom version of Mr. T where each move aimed towards him has to be as efficient as possible.

 

Rising up into the air, I closed my mouth and held my breath. Tucking my wings in, I span as I dove towards the fog, angling my dive so that I came at it from a narrow angle, skimming almost parallel to the top. Right before I hit it, I flared my wings, grabbing the air with the tips to create a whirling vortex of wind that pulled the smog along with me. Diving up, I guided the tailwind up before closing my wings to drop down like a stone.

 

The end result was a column of purple smog shooting over me, leaving much of the town free of smog, though there were a few lingering pieces. The remaining villagers, upon seeing this, quickly exited their abodes-turned-shelters en masse and hurriedly evacuated, ignoring the downed soldiers and retrieving their own.

 

Good. Good. Now where is mushroom-

 

_ =Incoming attack! Directed toward retreating civilians!= _

 

Kicking off the air, I shot to cover the back of the evacuation in preparation for the next attack. Which came in the form of a hail of purple.. I recognize this attack from earlier. Shade Dance or something. While deadly if it hit, the attack itself was light enough to be blown away. Sweeping my wings up, I sent a column of air to knock them off course, shouting, “ **Shēng Qì Liú Dùn** **!** (Airflow Shield)”

 

I grinned as it successfully blocked the attack. Now where did Mushroom head shoot that from? It would have to be somewhere where he could see the-

 

“SHADE SHOT!” was the only thing I heard before I found myself knocked out of the air, plummeting into the snow.

 

Quickly rolling to my feet, I coughed wetly as I realized that I had just been shot in the side if the blood splattering the snow was anything to judge. Where did it-

 

_ =Incoming shots! Dodge back! Now!= _

 

Blinking through the pain, I kicked off the ground and launched myself backwards and  _ crack _ through a door. Despite the pain that came with agitating my wound, I couldn’t even be mad as the area I was just in peppered with purple shots and then flooded with even more fog.

 

“Mushushushu,” Mushroom man cackled as he stepped out of the fog and through the door, “So we meet again pegasus! I’m going to pay you back for what you did with my arm! Maybe I’ll rot off-”

 

I blurred from his view as I kicked off the ground and straight into the air. I kicked off the air once, twice, thrice in a zig zag fashion to be back to back with him. Spinning around quickly, I swept my wing, pouring all my power into creating a blade of air, in his general vicinity with no real aim.

 

His head toppled off as the blade sliced through it and gouged a long line in the building. Fucking dumbass, he didn’t even bother to make sure I couldn’t move. When I landed from my aerobatic attack, I found myself misjudging it and landing on my side. The side that got shot. Moaning, I forced myself back up, allowing the tears to fall.

 

Fuck. Fuck. That hurts. But hooray for adrenaline rushes! I don’t think I could’ve pulled off that quick takeout if Mushroom man didn’t let his guard down. Thank cliches for overconfident villains setting themselves up for textbook easy takedowns. Ow. Ow. It hurts to laugh, just in and- Ow. It hurts to breathe too.

 

_ =Are you alright!? This is bad! Very bad! Why are you still moving?= _

 

Why are you panicking? I’ve had worse. Have they not… Oh right, they only came during this year. SAROB never saw me surviving. I think they saw memories of my various traumas through my nightmares, but not quite the same as experiencing it. Oh forget it, it hurts too much to try and rationalize shit out. Have to make sure Musshuru’s dead and double tap if he’s not.

 

Readying my wings for another attack, I cautiously walked over to Musshuru’s body, waiting for it to come back to life if he was a Logia user and other assorted Devil Fruit or magic bullshit. When it did not, I looked around for any other dangers. Seeing that there were none, I finally let loose the tight rein I had over my emotions and puked.

 

While Mushroom no doubt deserved it, this was still my first time killing a sentient. And it was far too easy. Also I think I’ve been poisoned based on how clammy my fur felt. When I finished retching, I walked outside in search of… Of… something. “Fuck, everything’s spinning.”

 

_ =You’ve been poisoned.= _

 

“So that’s why I’m falling down,” I observed as I collapsed against a wall and just wheezed. Fuck, I think that shot may have broken a rib or two. Wait... “Did I say that last bit out loud?”

 

_ =Yes. Yes you did. Just breathe okay? Stay awake. Don’t close your eyes.= _

 

“Okay. I can do that. Staring contest with nothing and no blinking. Ha! Ow. Okay. Just breathe. In and out. It’s funny how being near death both muddies and clears your thoughts.” I mean, I’m reliving my life in reverse and all I can think about is the fact that the Strawhats know about our little sidestep in reality. Wait, I can just ask SAROB directly. “...So you revealed all of our foreknowledge.”

 

_ =It… wasn’t really applicable in the first place.= _ SAROB admitted. They really should’ve kept their monotone. They’d be a less shitty liar. Also fuck. That means there’s even more shit that I won’t know about.

 

Also the implications of that statement… Groaning in pain, I threw my head back, thunking it lightly as I gritted out, “...You’ve been lying to me. Haven’t you. This isn’t the One Piece world as I know it. Fuck. There’s going to be filler villains and headcanons and a bunch of things that I won’t know about coming our way.”

 

_ =...Yes. But the information that you have is still applicable in a lot of places! You can-= _

 

“SAROB. I am currently bleeding from a punctured, poisoned hole in my chest and trying to stay awake. It’s taking everything I have to stay awake, so I’m just going to be pissed at you later.”

 

_ =Equestria is real!= _

 

“Okay, that’s the weirdest most out of context thing that you have ever said. I should probably give a fuck, but all that spite is going towards just not dying,” I grunted, forcing myself to my feet and heading towards where the… Isshi 20, 20 of Drum Kingdom’s best doctors were treating Dalton and the various villagers who survived the attack. It appears that they had turned the area into an impromptu medical center.

 

I don’t remember seeing them coming in to town or indeed any of the rest of the retreating villagers, but I can only assume that they returned when the poison fog dissipated after I killed mushroom head. WTF, was his name again?

 

_ =Musshuru.= _

 

Huh, neat. What’s more neat is the medical setup for the injured that the Isshi 20 had set up. About five of the doctors were operating on Dalton out in the open, taking out the three spears stabbed in his chest. I’d say something about sterility and cleanliness, but this was a field operation and it was already impressive that they got an IV setup. It was kind of funny to see the volunteer just holding the drip bag (Or whatever they’re called.) The rest of the fifteen doctors were grouping the returning villagers into a triage station, treating them based on the severity of the injury.

 

Oh right. I still have to respond to SAROB’s correction of mushroom head.

 

“Wrong,” I cackled as I meandered in a wavey fashion toward the bustling triage area, “He’s headless.”

 

_ =...You’re poisoned.= _ SAROB stated again,  _ =Horseapples, I’m panicking so much that I’ve just wrapped right back to calm.= _

 

Giggling madly, I commented, “ShiHaAHA! Isn’t that just life?”

 

Cutting past the lines of civilians, I tapped what looked like the head honcho of the whole operation a few times on the back of his knees. Turning away from the doctor that he was ordering, he looked for a bit before lowering his gaze to stare at me. Holding up a hoof, I drawled, “Can I get a checkup?”

 

He was silent for a bit before he said, “Sorry, little horse, we have serious things to do”

Pointing to the chest wound, I chuckled, “I just need to stop the bleeding. Also an antidote. Got a direct shot from fucking mushroom head.”

 

Crouching down, he lightly pressed against my wound with his gloves. He grimaced which was funny since his touch was fucking fire to me and I should be the one grimacing. He moved his hand away when I swatted, motioning for another doctor to bring a roll of gauze that he used to begin patching me up. When he finished, he stared sullenly at my chest. Looking down, I saw why. Positively soaked with blood.

 

Rubbing his chin, the doctor muttered, “Speaking as a medical professional, you should be dead.”

 

I ignored him to poke at my bloody bandages, wincing every time before poking it harder. Pain doesn’t control me. I control pain. Hah! Mushy. Mushy. Ow.

 

_ =Stop that!= _ SAROB snapped. Stopping my fight with myself, I whined softly at them before remembering that I was talking to somebody. Grinning, I puffed my chest, coughing only a little bit at the pain and boasted, “Fucking Zoan right here baby. He’s also fucking dead. And headless! Ha! Mushroom heads and all that jazzy shite. Now can I get an antidote or something? You didn’t give me a shot. Everything’s spinning and I’m moving on sheer spite.”

 

Walking away, he sighed, “We’re running out of supplies. We’ve stabilized Dalton and succeeded in removing the poison spores, but in doing so we’ve run low on the antidote. As of now, We’re prioritizing children and women.”

 

“...Fuck. And you think I can survive based on my zoan biology?”

“Based on the amount of blood you lost, you should’ve stopped talking about fifteen minutes ago if you truly were poisoned by Musshuru. As you are talking to me, it’s safe to assume that if you take a nap, you’ll be just fine,” the doctor sighed as he looked through the supplies, “Because you Zoans have the bullshit ability of surviving things that kill mere mortals.”

“Fair enough. You say you’re running out of the antidote. Is there anyway you can get more of it? Or make it?”

  
“What we need is time and supplies. Of which, we have neither. Right now, we’re trying to just use half doses of the remaining antidotes to just give a boost. The fog was a weakened version of Musshuru’s favored poisons and we hope that is enough for the half dose to work,” the doctor rubbed his brow, saying, “I’m sorry if I sound callous, but I just came from an intensive surgery and straight into a triage scenario where we have next to no supplies or medicine. Damn Wapol and his insatiable appetite.”

 

Nodding along, I said, “So… I won’t get an antidote, you’re pinning your chances on a theory and hoping that’s enough to save the most amount of people that got poisoned”-ignoring SAROB’s nagging, I scratched my wound. It was both itchy and painful-” Honest. I can respect that. I’m betting that it’s still not enough.”

 

“Yes.. We truly are grateful you killed that monster, but we Isshi 20 have neglected our duties to our people bowing down to monsters for too long. You may suffer, but you will survive without the antidote. Theoretically,” the doctor answered before lapsing into a ponderous silence. “...It used to be common practice for every household to have a few back when Musshuru was still heir apparent and running rampant with his Devil Fruit powers, but the practice died out after his exile. At this point, we need a miracle.”

 

I cackled madly, “Ha! Miracles. Sorry, buddy but I specialize in death, making it rain, and flying in the face of physics. I mean have you seen these wings,” I looked at my wings and stared at them wondrously- ”Whoa… I have wings.”

 

“...You will recover given enough time,” the doctor dismissed, “I’ve talked with you long enough and I have people to save. For what’s it worth, you did bring some much needed levity to a dire situation.” So saying, he turned, drawing a pair of gloves and a mask to put on.

 

Though, while he did that, my drugged out mind was connecting things. Like miracles and magic, wings and flight, holes in the chest with doughnut holes, sweets with allergic reactions, witches and doctors and a storage of antidotes. Trotting quickly, I caught up to him and tapped him on the leg, asking, “You got any painkillers?”

“What?” the doctor asked shocked, still walking and forcing my tiny ass legs to keep pace. I eventually gave up and just flew. “We just had a discussion about how supplies were running low. Please. Go rest, you’re not well.”

 

“Not well, ha. You’d be right about that. I’m crazy enough to fly up a mountain to a castle to find a witch doctor while poisoned, bleeding, and hopefully hyped up on painkillers.”

He paused and turned to stare at me disbelievingly. He pointed up at the mountain where the big castle was where Dr. … Witchy (Memory’s wonky). I nodded in response to his unasked question, saying, “Yeah. That mountain. That witch. That antidote. This pegasus. Right here, right now.”

 

The doctor grabbed my face and squished it, staring into my eyes as he hissed, “That could kill you! Zoan or not!”

Struggling out of his grip, I mumbled, “Better than living without doing anything. Besides, I’m the World’s Strongest Pegasus. If not also craziest. Besides, if fucking Zolo, Zozo, Roro? Tongue floppy. Talking weird. If Zoro can fucking do stupid shit when he’s half dead, I can do stupid shit too when I’m half dead.”

 

Finally ripping free, I patted myself down, Owing in pain as I patted my wound again like an idiot. Thankfully, the burst of pain cleared my mind enough to glare down the doctor and ask forcefully, “Now can you give me painkillers or not? Because I’m flying up there with or without it.”

“What’s your weight?” he asked. The doctor whirled around before I could answer, yelling out orders for some intern. Retrieving two vials and two needles, he turned to me and snapped, “Doesn’t matter, I’ll just eyeball it. I’m going to give you a little less to be safe.”

 

Obeying his motions, I gave him a hoof to inject two shots, “This first shot is a painkiller. It’s a mild one, so you’ll still feel pain but lessened. The second shot is a half dose of antidote. As said before, we’re running out, but since you’re so small it should act as a full dose. It does take time to fully activate though, but it should help give you clarity of mind.”

 

Seeing as I no longer felt the urge to poke my wound every minute after the second shot, I’d say its working. I feel the sudden urge to face hoof at my stupidity, but I have a mission to fulfill.

 

Nodding to let him know I understood, the doctor continued, “If Dr. Kureha keeps it stocked, which she should despite all her flaws, tell her to give you all the Musshuru Specialty. If she gives you any trouble, tell her that Dr. Hatachi is a quack doctor. She should give it to you with no questions. Take the antidote back as soon as you can and then fly back down. Musshuru’s poison was of the weakened variety and takes a full hour to activate. Half an hour has passed. You have thirty minutes to make the round trip.”

 

Saluting, I readied myself for takeoff. As I did, SAROB hastily reminded me,  _ =Zoro’s poisoned. I see Usopp and Vivi carrying him down right now through the center road. Make sure to reserve a dose.= _

 

Good point.

 

Taking off, I circled over the encampment and shouted, “Yo! Doctor Hatachi! One of my… crewmates is poisoned. He helped defend you guys earlier, so can you reserve a full dose for him? He’s being carried down right now to the center road.”

 

He saluted once in acknowledgement, waving one of his younger coworkers over. After talking to them, the younger doctor nodded and ran down the street to help Vivi and Usopp carry Zoro. One problem down, several more to go.

 

Turning around, I looked for the castle and...

 

_ =Was there a blizzard in canon?= _

 

“No, no there was not,” I seethed in irritation. Life just keeps throwing butterflies my way, ain’t it? Scowling, I kicked off the air and streamlined my body, flying against the winds toward the blurry silhouette of the Witch’s castle which didn’t look to be affected by the storm. Because of course, it would be in the eye of the storm. Only thematically appropriate, eh!?

 

I love stories, but i’ll be damned if I don’t hate living one.


End file.
